December 31, 2009 - be the best aunt/daughter/sister that I can be … and make it way of life so that it never has to be a ‘resolution’ again. (DONE!! And really proud of the person I’ve become because of it!! … And so is my family!!!)
December 31, 2010 - be patient; give myself some time to heal physically and emotionally; and take care of me … This resolution was multi-faceted. I needed to get my head and body on straight ... or as straight as possible, anyway. At the end of 2010 I got really sick … and I mean really sick!! I spent the last full month of volleyball season followed by the last 2 months of 2010 on an oxygen tank, pneumonia meds, bronchitis breathing treatments, and daily doses of the pain meds that I usually only take for emergency break through pain. The docs wanted to admit me to the hospital, but I was the only coach for 22 girls. I didn’t have time to be sick or stay in the hospital. So I bedazzled my portable O2 tank case and made it a fashion statement!! I also lost 15 lbs … from where, I‘m still not sure. All of this started with one of my girls (volleyball players) that just had a cold … a little sniffle. But she needed to share it with me, because sharing is caring, after all. It has taken me over a year to get back to where I was before volleyball season of 2010. I had also tried my hand at a long distance relationship with a pretty great guy. But since we wanted different things, and the distance was beyond annoying, we decided that it wasn't meant to be … and that was a tough pill for me to swallow. Keep in mind that I am the only one in my life that I have to take care of me. When I‘m sick, when I‘m in pain, when I‘m heartbroken, I am all I have, so it takes me longer to heal and mend. ... it is hard-assed work being an RSDer AND an RSD caregiver.
(But I did it and I can now say, “DONE!!”)
December 31, 2011 - quit being so damn patient and understanding all of the time, take a stand, fight for what I want and make it happen. (yep, there’s that word again … want … I’ve really been thinking a lot about this the last few days, can ya tell??) I am 42 …almost 43... years old and I’m tired of waiting … for everything!! I am ready to be proactive again!!
Why, you ask?? Because a fantasy world of “life” is no way to “live.” I spent most of this year living in my imagination while I took care of myself (in more ways than 1!! …speaking of which, I need to get some new batteries). 2011 was filled with no sex, no romance, no vacationary travel (yes, another Jenn-ism), and no coaching. But it was also filled with my ah-mazing fam … so I was able to hone my skils from my resolution for 2010, and that was actually kinda fun at times!!
And now ... 2011 was tough and lonely and emotional, but character building. I set rules for myself and stuck by most of them. This self-discipline crap is for the birds!! (but you know I’ll keep doing it … gosh darn it all to Hades!!)
I am a stronger person with a fighting will to live … and dammit, I’m gonna in 2012!! No more waiting idly on the back burner, no more playing the role of “option,” no more volleyball hiatus, and no more stagnancy at the Chalet!! I have faith that I will have a life in 2012 … WATCH ME!!!
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