Creative Cussing

I have offended my mother.  I knew this would happen eventually, but the long and the short of it is … when I’m lonely and/or in pain ... I cuss.  And this recent bout of cold induced cabin fever has unleashed my tongue.  (I’m now on day 4 of not setting foot outside my door)  So after yesterday’s random bursts of Turrets, I’ve decided to rethink my verbiage … again.

When I’m coaching or tutoring or helping in a classroom, I am very careful with my words … ALL of my words.  When I’m out in public with my fam, I am mindful of my words.  When I am just relaxing with my fam, an occasional expletive might escape my lips, but I keep it under my breath (mom just needs to lose her  bionic hearing).  When I’m out with friends, I, again, try to be mindful of the people that are around me. (I would really hate to drop an F-bomb while sitting back to back with a 6 year old … but if we’re at a bar, beware of flying zings!!)  When I’m at home, I just don’t think about it at all.  And when my pain level is on the rise, I can make a sailor, a trucker and Quentin Tarantino blush.

But I digress.  Mom wins this battle, so I’m going back in to my bag of tricks for my creative cuss words and phrases.

Words like: fudge, shoot, darn, dang, drat, poop, schnikes, aaarrrggghhh, witch, wench, bench, ch-ch-ch-chia, sheeeeeeeeeeet, noogies, snicklefritz, frickin, friggin, flippin, brat, buttmunch,  tata’s, breastesses, and boobs (boobies and tits and titties are taboo … sorry Mom).

And phrases like: horse feathers, God bless America, shut the front door, cow patties, lord love a duck, oh for Pete’s sake, gosh darn it, what a crock, flock of seagulls, freakin A, mother puss buckets, son of a motherless goat, and piece/lump of poop.

Oi vey ... Time to get out the Cuss Jar and start to hold myself accountable again.  There is a time and place for everything, and those are few and far between for cuss words … in my world, anyway.  The good news is that, thanks to the cuss jar, I should be able to afford an island vacation by Christmas. <smh>

Yup … faith … I’ve still got it!!  (and btw ... the rusks are ah-mazing!!)