Anywhere But Here

Giggitygiggitygiggitygiggitygiggity <clench teeth, big breath> giggitygiggitygiggitygiggitygiggity

I shuttered out of bed this morning; did the Frankenstein Crawl to Bertha; poured myself a hot, steamy, thick cup of coffee; and pried my eyes open.  I let Kiva out (felt a very very chilly breeze), turned on the news, turned off my porch light and opened my front blinds to  … SNOW!!  Mother Nature, the skank, had hand delivered that cold crap again.  She even gift wrapped it in a sparkling, glistening, pretty, white package.  The snow is falling, the temp is dropping, my bones are rattling, my nerves are twinging (another jenn-ism)… and I don’t like it.

When I first contracted RSD it was confined to my right arm and stayed there for almost five years.  I got complacent, it snowed, melted, froze and, while not paying attention, I just had to slip and fall on the ice on my way in to work.  <WHAM>  My RSD spread across my back to my left arm and hand.  Four years later, Princess Grace (that's me) did it again and <KACHUNK> the RSD spread down into my hips.  I.  Do.  Not.  Like.  Snow.  And.  Ice.  Period.  I will no longer leave my house solo when there is snow and ice on the ground.  Even in the age of cell phones, I am not comfortable walking on the crap without an arm of support to assist me.  I choose to not elevate my anxiety by even contemplating venturing out of doors for the next couple of days.

I do not want to play this game again.  I do not want to hibernate in my hermetically sealed bubble.  I do not want to be cut off from everyone until the snow melts.  I do not want to have to turn my thermostat up.  I do not want to have to block and barricade the doggie door.  I do not want to have to dress in heavy layers today.  And I absolutely, positively, without a doubt do not want to feel the cold.  The weather lady just said that our temp will drop into the low teens by this evening.  I don’t like the weather lady either.  (just kidding, Becky!  Love you!)

While looking across this beautiful blanket of white this morning, I can’t help but be inspired to be … anywhere but here.  This is when I’m grateful for my vivid imagination, good music, and great friends that can afford to travel and send me pictures of  beaches and boats and deserts and palm trees and oceans.  I keep telling myself that someday I’ll be able to take my own beachy sunset or sunrise pics and make my own happy and relaxing memories … but until I can afford that day, I will continue to live vicariously through them from within my bubble.

What if snow were actually coconut flavored Pixie Stix dust?? <-----  random thought!!

So why do I continue to live in Colorado??  The answer is simple … my support network is here.  I cannot live my life without help and here, help is a phone call away (it’s just a matter of me asking for it).  I would move to a warmer climate if I could afford it.  (In.  A.  Heartbeat.)  But I can’t go somewhere where I don’t feel safe and where I don’t know anyone that I would trust with my life.  Nor can I go anywhere where the cost of living is any higher than it is here.  I was on a waiting list for 2 years to get Section 8 housing help with my rent.  I can’t afford to be on another waiting list, or worse, move somewhere that doesn’t offer assistance at all.  My parents live less than 5 minutes away, my brother too.  Bosley and my ColoAngel live within 15 minutes of my house.  The hospital where my wonderful anesthesiologist is based is 3 minutes away.  My pseudo-niece and her bf live across town but they have made it to my aid in less than 10 minutes.  One of my “original girls” (I coached her in h.s. volleyball way back in the 90’s) is now a chiropractor here in town and she is usually available to help when I need it too.  How can I leave this wonderful network of amazing people??  This is not to say that won’t ever, but it does mean that I won’t right now.  Not until I have a support network in place on an island closer to the equator, anyway.

So I will turn on some Jimmy Buffet, open the file on my computer that contains everyone else’s pictures, refill my coffee, hit the slide show button and dream on being in California and Arizona; Aruba, Texas, Florida, and the Virgin Islands; Hawaii and Jamaica; and Romania and Sweden (in the summer, of course).

I already feel warmer!!!  This is me ... keeping the faith!!