Be careful what you wish for … and how you wish for it.

Five months ago I prayed, wished and asked, unspecifically, for patience  … and it is still biting me in the oostakaka!!  The PTB (Powers That Be) must’ve decided that I needed patience in every single aspect of my life because I now feel as though I've been placed on life’s eternal waiting list.  Sure, I give off the persona of being patient, calm, cool, and collected most of the time … but on the inside I’m almost always going friggin nuts!!!!  It adds to my stress level and we all know what happens when that level rises.  But … I can honestly say that I've learned my lesson here.  (and adjusted my meds accordingly, of course … but still waiting for them to kick in)

I have a strange brain, this is no secret.  I make up all sorts of conversations and lectures in my head.  It’s kinda like my own knights of the roundtable … the sarcastic cynic, the optimist, the masochist, the angel, the instigator, the intellectual, the coach, the cheerleader, the athlete, the freak, the rationalizer, and the dreamer.

I truly believe that this is how the PTB get their kicks … they call a meeting of my roundtable, the group votes, and then the group leader of the day (today it’s the sarcastic cynic) reveals their findings … “Oh, you can’t be in KS with your family for your niece’s surgery??  Wait and word will come to you.”  ~  “You need a what??  A new car??  Wait and remain stranded.  It will happen some day.”  ~  “Hmmmm … A cure for RSD??  That will take some time to formulate, please hold.”  ~  “You need it to be warmer??  Well, you can’t afford a beach so I guess you’ll have to wait til summer!!”  ~  “That person you want to see??  Yeah, we’re gonna keep you waiting there too.  Your frustration has become amusing to us.”  ~  “You need to pay your bills and finish Christmas shopping??  We’ll see that you get your alimony check.  We always do … even if it is always late.”   ~  “Your body is feeling a little better today??  Ooh ooh … just wait, we’re gonna make it snow later this afternoon.”  

All the while, the PTB just sit back and laugh as they watch me squirm and smoke and pace and trip over thin air and spill coffee and pace and pace and pace … yet again.  I’m done!!  I am done asking for patience!!  I am done waiting!!  It‘s time to take matters into my own hands!!  (uh oh, the masochist is fighting the sarcastic cynic for control now, this could get bloody … enter the rationalizer)  

Do me a favor, save whatever amount of sanity you have left and the next time you wish, pray or ask for patience, be specific!!

I have faith that I can control my knights, even though I’ll never be able to get them to shut up!!

SIDE NOTE:  The meds have kicked in and I just got word that my niece is finished with surgery and is in recovery ... so hopefully I can stop pacing now too!!  It’s only taken me 5 hours to write this in between laps.  Thank you PTB!!!