The Unanswerable Questions

Every RSDer, worldwide, has uttered the questions, "Why me?"  "Why does it have to hurt so bad?"  "Is it ever going to get any better?"  These are just a few most daunting questions that cross our brains fifty hundred thousand quadrillion times a day.  There are no answers to these questions because we, the peons, aren't privy to them until after we have passed into the afterlife.  

But I have a theory.  I know, you're shocked, right?  HA!!  It's the strongest willed people that are bestowed with RSD because we can appreciate the true meaning behind the phrase "survival of the fittest."  Apparently we are not challenged enough by life, so we are given an extra task.  Some people let the RSD rule their lives because they are convinced that they are not up to the challenge.  Some people turn a negative into a positive so that they do not feel defeated all of the time.  RSD is not for the weak of heart, although it does make for weaker bodies.  It takes a true warrior to fight through the day to day pains and trials that RSD offers.  It does not mean that those of us that choose to fight are any better than those who don't, it just means that we have a stronger will to fight.  We let go of a little bit of sanity in order to gain some minute amount of freedom and independence.  Knowing that our battles will never really be won until there is a cure, we continue to wage war against the pain.  Whether it's by turning physical therapy into something fun-ish, or finding another outlet for our creative minds, or making light of the darkest times, we rage onward.

I have stopped asking, "Why me?"  It's futile.  All it does is make me more upset which leads to panic attacks and added pain.  I have stopped my family from asking, "Why her?"  because their words ring in my head which leads to more panic attacks and more pain.  It's painful enough to experience RSD without having to be the shoulders that bear the weight of their doubts.  My family knows that if I have a bad day, there will be a good one not too far in the future.  They know that their "job" is to get me to focus on the good-day-to-come and get me looking forward to something.  It is so much easier to fight when you have support that leads your mind away from the pain.  Case in point, last week the onslaught of storms and fronts that passed through Colorado had me flat on my back and down in the dumps.  Until I got a message from the Bombshell asking me what "fun" things we could do with the Munchkins when they come "home" for July.  Now that got me thinking and planning and researching and off of the heating pad and the couch.  It gave me something positive on which to focus my seemingly unfocusable brain. (hey, it's a jennism!)

I have faith that I will continue to focus on something positive even during my worst days.  I have faith that my family will continue to help me fight by helping me find things to which i can look forward instead of dwelling on the daunting questions.  My will is strong when my mind stays focused.  I will continue to redirect my thinking until I can quash the unanswerable questions.