Jenn Can Cook

As an RSDer, I take nothing for granted.  I am grateful for the little things and pleasantly stunned by the big things.  So when I have "good" days, I make it my mission to do something that I can take pride in and that I know I do well ... like cooking.  Making last night's dinner of stuffed pork chops, corn on the cob, and brown rice was one of those "little things" that renewed that spark within me which became a "big thing."  Thanks to the culinary Meat-and-Potato-ness of my maternal grandmother, along with her excellent teaching skills, I turned out to be quite the creative cook ... and the best part of it is that she taught me the "no recipe required" technique.  (This drives my Mom up a wall ... I guess that particular gene skipped over her!!)

For a time I owned my own catering business.  I made up almost every single one of my recipes.  I would think up something that sounded good to me, look up 2 or 3 recipes for it in cookbooks or online, and find a way to combine my fave ingredients and techniques.  Spinach/Artichoke Dip, Kahlua Pig (no alcohol, get over it!!), 7 Layer Dip, and Hot and Spicy Meatballs, Homemade Mac and Cheese ... just to name a few.  I even had the email address of JennCanCook for that period of my life.  This was when my RSD was still centralized in my right arm and had not yet spread.  As the years passed, and the RSD spread, my cooking prowess waned.  I couldn't chop, stir, or stand.  I couldn't lift pans, skillets, or crockpots.  I turned my back on everything in the kitchen except for the coffee pot. 

About 4 years ago, just after my divorce was final and right after I started getting Ketamine in my nerve blocks, I found myself staring into the depths of my refrigerator and cupboards, looking for ... inspiration.  I'm not sure which came on 1st, the light bulb in the fridge or the light bulb above my head, but that was the moment when I realized that I could still cook if I found a way to make things easier on myself.  My family had been giving me cooking gadgets as gifts in the hopes of getting me back into an apron.  (yes, I always wear an apron when cooking ... just in case!!)  I pulled all of my gadgets out of the cupboards and drawers, picked out the ones that only made my life easier (I had to say goodbye to my Pampered Chef stoneware), boxed up the rest, got out the crockpot pieces, assembled them, and made my 1st Kahlua Pig in years.  I felt like the Bionic Woman.  After that I kinda stumbled into the world of dog treat making as well ... Kiva's a huge fan of that one!!

The reality of it is that it is impossible for me to cook every day, so when I am able to weather the kitchen, I just want to keep going and make as many things as I can before I run out of spoons (not the cooking kind).  Even when I have a string of good days, I need to remember to spend spoons wisely.  If I want to go to a party or a concert or a ball game, I, categorically, will not make anything more involved than take-out pizza the night before.  I don't necessarily like to have to think in those terms, but this is my reality, and has been for quite some time, so I'm used to it.  Finding that happy medium and "knowledge" didn't happen overnight, it took trial and error to find balance.  And if a former alcoholic like me can find balance, anyone can!!

I have faith that my days will continue to get better.  I have faith that the season of re-honing my culinary skills has arrived.  I have faith that I can inspire other RSDers to find easier ways to recapture doing a few of  the things that they once loved to do.  As my friends Raspberry Shortcake says, "it's not about what I can't do anymore, it's about what I can do today."