The Frankenstein Crawl

Every morning I wake up.  I like to think of it as a sign of good things to come ... until I realize that I have to move ... and then the daily dread begins.  Must.  Arise.  Must.  Face ... The pain. (ugh)  There are all sorts of ways for me to get out of bed: roll onto my side, slowly inching my legs over the edge until gravity can make my feet thump the floor; do the Inchworm Slide, on my back, to the foot of the bed until, again, said gravity takes hold; defy gravity and trebuchet myself to my feet; grab hold of Kiva's collar and growl "mush!!"; wait for my Team to wake up so he can crane-lift me out of bed and set me, lightly, on the floor; or I could just stay in bed.

The latter of these is unacceptable to me, period.  I know that the pain will only get worse the longer I don't move.  Weird, no??  That's RSD for ya!!  The longer we remain still, the more it hurts when we finally have to move, even to roll over in bed.  My Team is rarely awake before I am, so I find it easiest to treat getting out of bed like ripping off a band-aid.  Just get it over quick and let me re-adjust.  Trebuchet, it is.  Admittedly, I've landed on Kiva a few times when doing this.  Seeing as it's my way of getting up, she's the one that's had to learn how to move like a ninja ... and that dog has some mad ninja skills after 4 years with me!!

Once I'm vertical-ish, the real chore begins ... making my body parts move independently of each other.  Dude, this SUX and there is absolutely no way to avoid it ... I needs my coffee, dammit!!  I could put Bertha or Daphne right next to the bed, but then where would I get motivation to move?  (Bertha and Daphne are the names of the coffeemakers at the Chalet and Oasis respectively.  Bertha needed a good strong name that would live up to the punishing I can dish out, and Daphne is more pretty than productive, but she tries and tries and tries.)  With my body bent at a 135 degree angle, I begin the Frankenstein Crawl to the kitchen.  The sophisticated aroma of hot caffeine (Folgers) lures me through the house by my nose.  Millimeter by millimeter my feet follow where my nose leads.  62 heavy sighs later, the steaming elixir of the gods crests my lips and all of a sudden I have gumption to stand up straight ... er.  Only after three cups does 180 degrees become an option.

Thanks to my new 2% Ketamine nasal spray, I have been able to sleep more.  Yay me!!  The double edged sword lies in being motionless for a longer period of time.  Boo!!  So now that i'm upright and have realized that this is a blessing and a curse, I must figure out how to find a happy medium.  Less sleep = Less Frankenstein Crawl.  More sleep = More Frankenstein Crawl ... hmmmm ... I'll bet you Normies don't have to think about things like this either, huh??

I have faith that I will find my happy medium eventually,  I know it won't happen overnight, so I know that I need to be prepared to do the work.  Faith without works is dead ... and dammit, as long as I'm livin', I have faith!!