For the next 3 days, I will be spending a considerable amount of time doing some soul searching, life evaluating, list making, future planning, and laundry folding (that’s when I am most productive in my thinkings ... and it's PT for my hands!!) It has happened at the end of every January since 1992, whether I’ve wanted it to or not. Not the laundry folding part, that happens a couple more times a year than just January. But … I honestly don’t mind doing the reflecting this year. As much as the year, in general, sucked, I did some good things at 42 and made some personal strides that amazed even myself. I actually took care of me this last year … that was a huge accomplishment in, and of, itself. I found some new tricks to get through my bad pain days, gained some more acceptance of my crazy sleeping patterns, increased my appreciation for coffee, spent quality time with my family, honed my closest friendships, made a few new life-long friendships, stayed sober, gained and kept 17 lbs, raised a poop-ton of awareness for RSD, and found my calling as an advocate. Not too shabby for an old, skinny, crippled broad.
Soon I will be a year older, a year wiser, and a little more grown up … hey, I said "a little"!! I am one of the few women, that I know of, who doesn't mind screaming my age from the rooftops. I will be 43 and I am damn proud of it!! I don’t look 43, I don’t act 43, and I don’t feel 43 … some days I feel 83, some days 23, some days 243. But all RSD issues aside, I think I've aged pretty damn well, thank you very much!!
I believe that each year of our lives should have it's own theme, or goal, if you will. We are forever changing as we age and what applied to us in our 20’s and 30’s is not necessarily what applies to us in our 40’s. I‘m pretty sure that my goal for the whole of my 20’s was to stay overly medicated and drunk, refusing to accept my RSD. Pure speculation on my part, but there you have it! “Independence” was my theme for 39, “Acceptance” was my theme for 40, “Discovery” was my theme for 41, “Patience” was my theme for 42 … “Happiness,” I think, is what I’d like my focus to be for 43. I’ve earned it!! I won’t say that I ‘deserve’ to be happy, but I have definitely earned the right to be happy. RSD has taken so much from me over the years that if I dwell on it long enough, 43 could be the year of “Depression.“ But we refuse to let that happen. Yes, I finally have the right combination of people … a team … in my life to insure my happiness when I cannot find it for myself. This team has proved to me that they are ready, willing, and able to fight with me and for me … people who have earned my trust through their actions. I must say that this is a pretty big deal for me. To me, happiness is not just an emotion, it is a state of the heart and soul that oozes from every pore. Pain be damned, I will be happy … and I am closer to that goal right now than I have ever been!! Look out 43!! I’m comin for ya!! Your ass is mine!! ;)
I have faith that 43 will be my year for new beginnings and happiness … GAME ON, DAMMIT!!
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