It Could Happen

Managing the RSD pain in my body is one thing ... managing the chaos in my brain is something all together different!!  Confusion has officially settled in.  I'm not quite sure when or how it got here or how long it's planning on staying, but it has, most certainly, taken up residence in my brain.  This will require some extra work on my part, something of which I am not a fan of doing right now.  Everything in my brain is completely random today.  Even I can't make sense of it!!  Herding cats would be easier than wrangling my thoughts today.  This mental scattered-ness is a precursor, but for what I'm not sure, hence my confusion.  Could it be the Spring Equinox reacting with my hypersensitive nervous system??  Is it because I am sick up and fed with the phrase "it is what it is" but there's nothing that I can do about it??  Does it have anything to do with the menopausal weather changes that are wreaking havoc on my body??  What about the fact that I kinda feel like I've let myself down because I'm not as far along in my writing as I had planned on being??  Maybe I didn't have enough coffee this morning to get my thoughts corralled, that's possible.  And there's a remote chance that it could be because I might have given up smoking ... starting this morning.  I had less than 1 half of a butt left in the ashtray and I smoked it to the nub before the sun came up ... that was about 7 hours ago.  I'm working the e-cig thing and it helps, but I am now thinking that it was the toxins other than the nicotine that were helping me to control my thoughts.  I have quit so many other "bad" things, why is it so freakin hard for me to quit this one??  AARRGGHH!!

Meh ... maybe I'll figure it out, maybe I won't.  Maybe my thoughts will elude me for many months to come.  Maybe this is all just made up drama in my own damn head and my mind is having an allergic reaction to it.  Maybe it's a dream.  Maybe it's a cruel joke that's been played on my by the Powers That Be.  It almost feels as tho Coach Crankypants has kidnapped Pollyanna, the Cheerleader, and the Rationalizer and is holding them for ransom.  The Instigator is ready to fight the Coach for control but the Angel is maintaining the ... well ... just maintaining, at the moment.

I have faith that I'll figure it out eventually.  The Coach will be muffled, as she should be, Pollyanna will be free to go back to climbing trees and playing the Glad Game, the cheerleader will toss her pompoms in the air again, the Rationalizer will make sense of it all, the Instigator will have her attentions diverted to something more useful, and the Angel will look down upon them all, smugly, and say, "PPPPHHHHFFFFTTTTTT" ... (and now ... I need a nap)