Crash ... and Burn

And sometimes ... the trying of new tricks can be major "fail"!!  Well, maybe not a major fail, but a fail nonetheless.  I am trying to force myself to see it as a learning experience.  I've gotten accustomed to my 2:30 crash when I have to rest for an hour or two before I get back up and get to moving again.  The Yerba Mate herb that I've been trying sends me straight passed 2:30, 3:30, 4:30, 5:30, and 6, but by 7p.m. I can't keep my eyes open nor can I keep my body upright.  I didn't even need the Skullcap to relax me and lull me into lullaby land.  And ... for the last 2 mornings I've given my normal Frankendusa persona a run for her money.  But the benefits still outweigh the negatives so I will be dialing down the dosage to 1/2 tsp to see if I can avoid the catatonic crash tonight.

The weather has been accommodating this week, which was a nice turn of events from what my body predicted last week.  Monday and Tuesday were a bit cooler but the rest of the week has been in the 70's which has allowed me to spend some time in the sun getting my skin toughened up ... and sunburned.  Thank heaven for my Cherokee tanning ability because the burn doesn't even last for a full day.  We're still getting those mid-afternoon breezes that chase me back indoors but the natural Vitamin D, the process of desensitization, and the natural antidepressant that come directly from the sun has me hopeful for the rest of the spring and summer.  Now if I could just find a way for the 8 SPF to not feel frigid and painful when I put it on ... I'm open to suggestions on that one!!

Today I am praying that there's a check in my mailbox from the dude I divorced so that I can afford to get a few things shipped out, buy my next round of Ketamine nasal spray, put gas in the car and food in the fridge.  This is just another way for me to feel "burned" because that particular male specimen knows how broke I am and he also knows that he's messing with my health.  (the term "control freak" comes to mind) ... and if I can't afford the therapies and meds that my body requires, I end up feeling like I'm fighting a losing battle against the pains of RSD.  The new herbs seem to help with some of it, but I can't help but wonder how they much they will all help in conjunction with each other.  (Dear God, IF my check is here today, I promise not to say another bad word about him for at least another month.  And while we're at it, can You please see to it that reverts back to the agreement of having it to me BY it's due date instead of 2-7 days late??  Thanks God!!  Amen!!)

I have faith that I will find the right dose of Yerba Mate, even if it takes a week or so to regulate within my bod.  I have faith that regardless of whether or not I get the check today, I will still be able to enjoy the natural healing properties of the sun.  And ... I have faith that March Madness will continue so that I have something to yell at and get away with it!!  My CU Buffs got beat by the fluorescently clad Bears, BUT ... my beloved Jayhawks, the team I've cheered for since I was 4 and lived just down the street from the campus for 3 years, play tonight!!  WOO HOO!!!  So I will leave you with the best Final Minute Chant of the NCAA ... Roooooooock Chaaaaaaaaalk Jaaaaaaaaaaayhawwwwwwk K(aaaaaaaay) U(ooooooooo)