Where There's Smoke...

There was smoke in Colorado yesterday and I'm not talking about the fires that are still burning southwest of Denver.  This smoke came directly from my Mommie's ears, eyeball sockets, nostrils, and armpits.  I don't know if it was as noticeable to everyone else in the neighborhood, but it was a vivid sight that I don't see very often.  Mommie had used every spoon in her arsenal to rake and bag the leaves and sticks and grass at the Chalet on Tuesday so that she could get grass seed down before we headed back to the Oasis on Wednesday evening.  She was sore and tired and stiff and achy and her feet hadn't stopped buzzing and flaring from wearing tennis shoes on Tuesday.  But she pushed herself to get it all done along with 10 days worth of laundry that she and my Daddy had amassed.  Mommie knew what had to be done and she did it!! ... and I must say that I am very proud to be my Mommie's girl!!  

I don't get some humans.  Ok, I don't get most humans ... especially the rude humans with entitlement issues.  As I laid atop the back of the sofa yesterday, gazing out of the big front window and watching my Mommie spread 2 bags of grass seed on our freshly raked front lawn, my attention was diverted to a woman walking her 3 dogs.  They walked a few steps, she stopped, they stopped, they all turned around, walked a few more steps, stopped, the woman held up her hand and the dogs sat.  This was when I noticed that one of the dogs was not on it's leash.  The woman threw a ball ... A BALL!!  I wanted that ball!!  I barked and whined, but Mommie kept working in the yard.  "A ball, Mommie, a ball!!!!"  I whined over and over again at the top of my Sheagle lungs.  The off-leash dog ran to go get it.  I was sad!!  I wanted that darn ball!!  The dog brought the ball back to the woman, put it in her hand and sat down while the other 2 dogs just sat there and watched.  The woman made another hand gesture and all 3 of them stood up, turned around and headed toward our house again.  Thinking that maybe I could get a chance at that ball, I jumped off the sofa, and ran to the screen door.  I saw my Mommie smile at the woman as she nodded and wished the woman a "good morning" and then went back to spreading the seeds ... and that was when the smoke started.  Mommie had just spread seed along the barren spots next to the sidewalk and was working her way back up to the house when the off-leash dog trotted over to the 1st seed-covered bald spot and squatted to relieve herself.  This was what my keen dog ears picked up ... 

Mommie:  <politely and in an even voice> Excuse me, I just put seed on that spot.  Could you please refrain from allowing your dogs to relieve themselves on my lawn?

The Woman: <indifferent>  But you have a dog!!  If you hadn't seen this happen, how would you have known that it wasn't your own dog that did it?

Mommie:  <mildly offended>  Because I don't allow my dog to use my front yard as a toilet, or anyone else's front yard, for that matter.

The Woman: <all snooty and sh.....stuff>  Why not?  It's not like you have the best lawn on the block and it is only March.

CODE RED!!!  9-1-1!!!  CALLING ALL CARS!!!  DANGER WILL ROBINSON, DANGER!!

Mommie: <trying to remain calm> Again I will ask you to please not let your dogs urinate and defecate on my newly seeded lawn.

The Woman: <ready to throw the ball again> I can't control when or where my dogs choose to use the bathroom.  <throws the ball ... off-leash dog runs after it>

THE BALL, MOMMIE!!!  I WANT THE BALL!!  LEMME GET THAT BALL PUH-LEEEEEESE!!!!

Mommie: <maintaining composure> You are aware that there are leash laws in this town, are you not?  And also that you, and your dogs, are trespassing by being on my lawn??

The Woman: <annoyed> Yeah, but I don't see anyone around to enforce it. <starts walking away with the other 2 dogs>

Mommie: <taking her phone out of her pocket> I can fix that.

The Woman: <calling her off-leash dog back> Come on gang, let's get away from this mean lady. <continues walking down the street>

Mommie: <wide eyed, miffed and waving> Thanks!!  Have a great afternoon!!

I know that Mommie wanted to feed me turkey and pumpkin puree before we set off to take a walk of our own ... to The Woman's house ... just down the block ... on the same side of the street ... But she didn't.  Turkey makes me poop ... a lot ... and I can clear a room with just the residual fumes!!  Pumpkin puree softens my poop for when I'm under the weather.  Combine the 2 of those and you get a literal puddle of wrank poop!!  But, as Mommie stormed back into the house, I heard her say, "Lady, I only wish I could be half as mean as you think I am, but instead, I will pray for you and your friggin dogs, and I will leave the rest to Karma."  I do know this about my Mommie, she has amazing friends that love us very much.  They know that stress and anger amplify my Mommie's pain and they also know that it it too early in the year for my Mommie to take me for walks without an able-bodied chaperon for support.  Mommie has now renamed this particular group of friends "Karma."

I have faith that my Mommie is gonna need a couple days to recover from doing all of that yard work and I have faith that I will not leave her side while she's in spoon-recovery-mode.  I have faith that Mommie will continue to take the high road as she allows "Karma" to run off-leash.  I have already been preparing the epitaph for Mommie's new Halloween tombstone prop ... 

"Here She Lies, Long and Hard, The Last Little Doggy to Poop in Our Yard."  

It'll go right in between the Nebraska defensive-lineman with a buffalo tusk through his chest and Ichabod Crane's head!!  Whatcha think??    

Sharing Is Caring

All RSD issues aside, I love the smell of rain in the spring!!  It's like the Skank realized that she needed to erase the stench of winter from my memory.  Seeing the new calves struggling to get to their feet, the flowers that are already in bloom, the little green nubs on the trees, people in shorts and tank tops, convertibles with their tops down, people amassed in their front and back yards raking and hoeing and tilling, these are all signs of very very good things to come!!  The calves will become cows (for milk and bbq'd protein, but shhh ... don't tell them that!!), the colorful flowers will multiply in grand force, the little green nubs will become leaves for shade against the summer heat, the pasty whiteness that requires strong UV-ness right now will soon become a sea of bronze-ish, Cruise Night is only a few months away, "best yard on the block" awards will be fought over, and Kiva making her presence known, inside and outside, are all inevitable signs of spring!!  Knowing in my heart that summer is coming is the only thing that gets me through the weather-induced ups and downs of March, April, and May.

That being said, I awoke to the smell of rain this morning ... and the smell reminded my that I should hurt more than I did.  Hmmm ... Could it have been the effects of the new dosages of herbs??  Could it have been that my Team, my dog, and I went on a successful adventure yesterday and I'm still in a good mood from it?? (Remember, it's not an "adventure" until you've made a U-Turn ... yeah, we got a block away before we needed to turn around.  Gosh darn Etch-a-Sketch brain!!)  Could it have been that my intermittent trips into the sun for the last week have begun to toughen up my skin already??  I have no idea why I didn't hurt as bad as I should have, but if there are more mornings like this morning, I'll take 'em!!

That was until I let Kiva out to go "do her thing" this morning ... ugh!!  The rain had stopped but droplets were still falling from the eaves of the house.  She went out, I stayed on the inside of the screen door.  I could tell what she was doing by the jingle of her tags.  She came back in and ... she proceeded to shake off the residual rain that had landed on her fur ... All.  Over.  Me!!  I was forced to remind myself that "sharing is caring."  Good or bad, I know she is showing me how much she cares about me when she feels the need to share it with me.  But I'm pretty sure that I'd see it as sign of true caring if, some mornings, she'd share it with our Team instead!!  That way I could see the true humor of it all without having to feel the shocking spasms that accompany Wet Dog Syndrome before I have my first sip of coffee.  I now am planted next to the heat spewing space heater, wrapped in a blanket, hugging my coffee cup, and praying for warmth so that I can get up and get moving today.  I have have things to do, gosh darn it!!

Anyway, it's Spring Break around these parts and Houdini has the week off so I think that as soon as I warm up, I'm going to go see how much of a pain in the tookis I can be to that brother of mine.  Without 25 Second Graders to educate, enlighten, and entertain, he might feel a little lost this week.  It is my job, as eldest sister/sibling, to annoy him in any manner possible ... I have faith that I will execute these duties, as defined in my job description, with perfection ... starting with draining his supply of coffee and Starbursts.  Remember Houdini, sharing is caring!!

Crash ... and Burn

And sometimes ... the trying of new tricks can be major "fail"!!  Well, maybe not a major fail, but a fail nonetheless.  I am trying to force myself to see it as a learning experience.  I've gotten accustomed to my 2:30 crash when I have to rest for an hour or two before I get back up and get to moving again.  The Yerba Mate herb that I've been trying sends me straight passed 2:30, 3:30, 4:30, 5:30, and 6, but by 7p.m. I can't keep my eyes open nor can I keep my body upright.  I didn't even need the Skullcap to relax me and lull me into lullaby land.  And ... for the last 2 mornings I've given my normal Frankendusa persona a run for her money.  But the benefits still outweigh the negatives so I will be dialing down the dosage to 1/2 tsp to see if I can avoid the catatonic crash tonight.

The weather has been accommodating this week, which was a nice turn of events from what my body predicted last week.  Monday and Tuesday were a bit cooler but the rest of the week has been in the 70's which has allowed me to spend some time in the sun getting my skin toughened up ... and sunburned.  Thank heaven for my Cherokee tanning ability because the burn doesn't even last for a full day.  We're still getting those mid-afternoon breezes that chase me back indoors but the natural Vitamin D, the process of desensitization, and the natural antidepressant that come directly from the sun has me hopeful for the rest of the spring and summer.  Now if I could just find a way for the 8 SPF to not feel frigid and painful when I put it on ... I'm open to suggestions on that one!!

Today I am praying that there's a check in my mailbox from the dude I divorced so that I can afford to get a few things shipped out, buy my next round of Ketamine nasal spray, put gas in the car and food in the fridge.  This is just another way for me to feel "burned" because that particular male specimen knows how broke I am and he also knows that he's messing with my health.  (the term "control freak" comes to mind) ... and if I can't afford the therapies and meds that my body requires, I end up feeling like I'm fighting a losing battle against the pains of RSD.  The new herbs seem to help with some of it, but I can't help but wonder how they much they will all help in conjunction with each other.  (Dear God, IF my check is here today, I promise not to say another bad word about him for at least another month.  And while we're at it, can You please see to it that reverts back to the agreement of having it to me BY it's due date instead of 2-7 days late??  Thanks God!!  Amen!!)

I have faith that I will find the right dose of Yerba Mate, even if it takes a week or so to regulate within my bod.  I have faith that regardless of whether or not I get the check today, I will still be able to enjoy the natural healing properties of the sun.  And ... I have faith that March Madness will continue so that I have something to yell at and get away with it!!  My CU Buffs got beat by the fluorescently clad Bears, BUT ... my beloved Jayhawks, the team I've cheered for since I was 4 and lived just down the street from the campus for 3 years, play tonight!!  WOO HOO!!!  So I will leave you with the best Final Minute Chant of the NCAA ... Roooooooock Chaaaaaaaaalk Jaaaaaaaaaaayhawwwwwwk K(aaaaaaaay) U(ooooooooo) 

Trying Out New Tricks

I love my Team's job!!  He meets some of the most curious people on his travels.  In January he was sent to Florida for a week where he met a gentleman that "specialized" in sore muscles, joint pain, and damaged skin through the use of magnesium.  The bath salts that my Team brought back for me were Epsom salt-esque but without the internal fireworks that accompany the magnetic pull and allowed me to actually relax in the tub instead of suffer through the amplified internal pop-rock-fizzies that make me feel as though I am being electrocuted.  I actually got some muscle pain relief from that 1 bath!!  So we placed an order for more.  There is also a heavy body cream and a topical spray that I haven't tried yet, but the bath salts worked so well that I ordered them too.  For $75 (plus tax and shipping) I can get all 3.  Considering that I spend $45 a pop on massages, $40 on Lidocaine cream, $5 on Aspercreme, $7.50 for Celestial Seasonings Sleepytime Extra Wellness, Tension Tamer and Sweet Apple Chamomile (I live less than 15 minutes away from the Celestial Seasonings main facility and can get wholesale prices), I have come to the conclusion that this magnesium stuff would be easier on my pocketbook and, quite possibly, more effective ... and then I can spend the money I save on the fun tea flavors like Country Peach Passion and Mandarin Orange Spice that I can brew to make iced tea this summer!!

More recently, my Team headed to the other coast and was introduced to a man who spoke the language of natural wellness.  While being shown the sites of beautiful (albeit rainy and cold) downtown San Diego, they came across an herb shop and as they walked by, this man said, "Maybe you can find something to help your girl."  (This is when it really pays off to be able to describe the symptoms and side effects of RSD, because after only two and a half months, my Team has a pretty good handle on how to describe my symptoms even if he can't remember the actual name of them!!  Priceless!!)  He explained my nerve pain, shakes, temperature changes and sleep issues to the herbalist who had never heard of Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy, but wanted to learn more. (OMGosh!!  He spread awareness too??  This guy's a definite keeper!!)  After hooking up his girlfriend, he remembered that he had a couple of health issues himself and upon inquiry into acid reflux and metabolism, he hooked himself up too!!

The thing about herbs is that they are not FDA approved, therefore, the dosages are kind of iffy and the side effects are rather vague.  Having done my due diligence and researched the herbs that my Team brought back, I found that a few of them do interfere with antidepressants and high blood pressure meds, and some, if taken in access, can actually make you feel kinda drunk.  The good news is that I haven't had to be on an antidepressant in over 5 years and high blood pressure is a foreign concept to my body, so I don't have to worry about those cautionary tales.  But ... having been sober for over 6 years, I'm not too keen on the whole "feeling drunk" thing.  Moderation is key!!  My research showed that, for the herbs he brought back, 1 tsp; once a day; mixed in juice, smoothies, oatmeal, peanut butter, applesauce, or diffused into a tea is a "moderate" amount that still exudes positive results.  So far, I have tried 2 of the 5 herbs that my Team brought back.  Yerba Mate and Skullcap Powder.  Yesterday morning, in between pots of coffee, I steeped a cup of Yerba Mate tea as it is known to aid in depression, gout, Lupus, memory, and arthritis pain.  It didn't taste terrible!! Due to my taste and texture issues, I was rather impressed.  My normal 2:30-4 "I don't have the strength to fight the pain" crash didn't happen until almost 8 last night.  I could still feel the mid-day pain elevations, but my energy level kept me moving and fighting.  Just in case it was a fluke thing, I am trying it again today and will do so for the rest of the week.  Last night, just before bed, I mixed a teaspoon of Skullcap powder with some pulpy apple juice.  Skullcap is said to help with anxiety, pain, sleep, and nerve pain.  The cold sheets still aggravated my skin at first but then the herbal properties seemed to kick in and I was able to restore my breathing techniques quickly, relax, and fall asleep.  (I'm still waiting to find that pne herb that can keep me asleep all night ... I'm waiting ... and waiting ...)  This morning, I added 1/2 teaspoon of Skullcap to my coffee to see if it will still help with the nerve pain but not knock me out.  Today I will be adding a teaspoon of Gotu Kola to my Yerba Mate as it is known to help with pain and for lunch I will add some Slippery Elm to my diet via diffused tea with lemon as it is known for easing pain, inflammation and aids the discomforts of just being a woman.  Fingers, toes, arms, legs, and eyes crossed that I can find comfort in these herbs!!  I'm very hopeful after yesterday!!

I have faith that I will benefit from the natural herbs so that I can begin to find a healthy balance and my liver doesn't recede further into it's mild state of cirrhosis.  I have faith that my Team will continue to spread RSD awareness on his travels while helping me to explore more natural methods of fighting the pain, fatigue, insomnia, pressure and internal pop-rock-fizzies.  It's kinda nice to know that someone "gets it" and understands my quirks at the same time and is willing to step outside of the box with me!!  Yeah, he is definitely a great guy ... and a keeper!!

Politics Schmolitics

So … the eldest Obama daughter has taken 12 of her closest friends and 25 of our tax-dollar-paid Secret Service Agents to Mexico for Spring Break away from the ’Rents … and this just after a law enforcement agency out of Austin, TX issued an advisory against Americans traveling to Mexico this spring due to the drug cartel violence that is still rampant.

This makes me mad.  I mean really really really friggin really mad!!  I get less than $700 a month from Social Security (and I have to live on that for a month, pay medical bills and buy meds … it‘s not possible, but I find a way to go without and accept what I do have), I am unable to work because of RSD, the gift that keeps on giving (and taking) … and I still pay taxes.  Instead of my tax dollars going to fund medical research to cure RSD, Lupus, Cancer, MS, etc, I am paying 25 … TWENTY-FIVE Secret Service agents to make sure that these 13 young teens and pre-teens eat their breakfast, go to bed at a reasonable hour, get to their scheduled activities safely and on time, and still ensure that they have “the time of their lives.”  Not only that, but instead of keeping all of the tourist dollars that these girls will be spending on souvenirs here in the US, their parents are willingly sending their money over the border which, somehow, some way, will inevitably end up in the pockets of the aforementioned violent drug cartel.  Are none of these 26 parents (I’m assuming that each child has 2 parents, if they have 3 or 4 parents, it just makes my point even more scary) worried for their child’s safety thinking that it’s ok for them to be in a foreign country without a blood relative to provide UNbiased protection for their kids??  If there’s an attack on this group, who do you think the agents will run to protect first??  HELL-OOOO!!!

Out of respect for my family, I do not get publicly political very often, but I am beyond fed up with the antics of my country’s leaders and wannabe leaders.  I don’t care what the popular political affiliation is right now.  You can be a member of the Democrat, Republican, Independent, Green, Nudist, Marxist, Socialist, Protagonist, Superficial,  My $#it Don’t Stink, Can’t Kick Me Out, Bend Over, Thank You Sir May I Have Another parties, or you can sleep soundly at night because you have the law firm of Skrewem, Dewey, and Howe on speed dial, but the disabled, elderly, and at risk are suffering in the wake because we are the recipients of the empty political promises.

That’s it.  I’m done.  I can’t write anymore without cussing in all caps … in bold and italic and underlined.  Therefore I will be making plans to win the lottery and buy my own island where all of my RSD families can come and live and heal and play and not have to worry about paying for the next treatment … because I will be kidnapping all of the medical professionals that are familiar with our disease and know what the heck they’re doing and I will be forcing them (it’s a dictatorship … duh!!) to work for and with us and not for their wallets and how popular they can make themselves in the medical community.  We each have enough unique talents to make a society work away from the bullcrap of American Bite Me In The A$$ … I mean “Politics.”

I have faith that my measly opinion won’t hold water with anyone that matters.  I have faith that the kiddos will have a blast in Mexico while I sit her wondering how I'm going to afford my Ketamine nasal spray refill that's waiting to be picked up at the only pharmacy in town that has a hood to make compounds and can charge me out the @$$ for it.   Ok ... chamomile, Bach, and nature sounds from the ocean are the only things that can calm me down right now, so that’s what I’m gonna do.  (they just had to report on this the same week that I quit smoking ... darn media schnutzes!!)

It Could Happen

Managing the RSD pain in my body is one thing ... managing the chaos in my brain is something all together different!!  Confusion has officially settled in.  I'm not quite sure when or how it got here or how long it's planning on staying, but it has, most certainly, taken up residence in my brain.  This will require some extra work on my part, something of which I am not a fan of doing right now.  Everything in my brain is completely random today.  Even I can't make sense of it!!  Herding cats would be easier than wrangling my thoughts today.  This mental scattered-ness is a precursor, but for what I'm not sure, hence my confusion.  Could it be the Spring Equinox reacting with my hypersensitive nervous system??  Is it because I am sick up and fed with the phrase "it is what it is" but there's nothing that I can do about it??  Does it have anything to do with the menopausal weather changes that are wreaking havoc on my body??  What about the fact that I kinda feel like I've let myself down because I'm not as far along in my writing as I had planned on being??  Maybe I didn't have enough coffee this morning to get my thoughts corralled, that's possible.  And there's a remote chance that it could be because I might have given up smoking ... starting this morning.  I had less than 1 half of a butt left in the ashtray and I smoked it to the nub before the sun came up ... that was about 7 hours ago.  I'm working the e-cig thing and it helps, but I am now thinking that it was the toxins other than the nicotine that were helping me to control my thoughts.  I have quit so many other "bad" things, why is it so freakin hard for me to quit this one??  AARRGGHH!!

Meh ... maybe I'll figure it out, maybe I won't.  Maybe my thoughts will elude me for many months to come.  Maybe this is all just made up drama in my own damn head and my mind is having an allergic reaction to it.  Maybe it's a dream.  Maybe it's a cruel joke that's been played on my by the Powers That Be.  It almost feels as tho Coach Crankypants has kidnapped Pollyanna, the Cheerleader, and the Rationalizer and is holding them for ransom.  The Instigator is ready to fight the Coach for control but the Angel is maintaining the ... well ... just maintaining, at the moment.

I have faith that I'll figure it out eventually.  The Coach will be muffled, as she should be, Pollyanna will be free to go back to climbing trees and playing the Glad Game, the cheerleader will toss her pompoms in the air again, the Rationalizer will make sense of it all, the Instigator will have her attentions diverted to something more useful, and the Angel will look down upon them all, smugly, and say, "PPPPHHHHFFFFTTTTTT" ... (and now ... I need a nap)      

Beware, The Hyde's of March

Beware the Ides of March!!  For those of you who don't know what this means, it was an ominous warning from a soothsayer (psychic) to Julius Caesar on, what ended up being, the last day of his life in 44B.C., and then the words became immortalized by Shakespeare in his play Julius Caesar in 1599A.D.  Hmmm ... an ominous warning, huh??  Dear Skank, We were getting along so well!!  Et tu, Brute?

Beware the Hyde's of March!!  I knew, coming into this week, that the evil transformation was going to happen, I just didn't know when.  The weather in Colorado has been unseasonably warm but, technically, it's still "winter."  And while the majority of my fellow Coloradans will continue to enjoy the 70+ temps through the end of the weekend (aka the next 4 days), The Human Barometer (me) is already feeling the pain and pressure of the snow's return.  I even said to my Team last night, when it was still in the mid 60's, "snow's comin."  That's right sports fans, and Al Roker just confirmed it ... temps to drop drastically on Monday and snow to follow on Tuesday!!  And yet, I feel it today!!  UGH!!!

This Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde weather makes me just want to cuss ... repeatedly ... for an extended period of time.  I want to be able to do things; to take Kiva for a walk, to shower, to make the bed, to drive, to vacuum (yes, vacuum!!), to go play with the Munchkins, to go hang out with my Mom and the Bombshell.  I want to not feel the air pressure changes already.  I want to be able to go recover in the sun ... after the sun breaks through the clouds.  I don't want to be curled up in the fetal position on the couch as the vise-grips tighten around my fragile frame.  I was doing so well managing my pain, even after overdoing a bit earlier in the week.  I was making plans to last through the warm, sunny days!!  I knew it would cool off eventually, but naively, I did not expect snow!!  And as the morning progresses, the vise-grips continue to tighten and the insides of my arms and legs are beginning to feel like pureed sludge, all heavy and limp and sh.....stuff.  

There are times when movement is what my body needs in order to cope with the pain.  This is actually true for most of the time.  But March is the month that is most Brute-al to this crazy cripple!! (and April is a very close 2nd!!)  At this point, I'm even passed using and saving spoons ... this fight is about mental and emotional survival today, not about what I can and can't do, physically.  If I manage my emotional stability just right, I can keep my pain spikes below an 8.  If I let the anxiety of "what if" and "poor me" take over and I go into hysterics, I'll exceed the 8 and wind up on a table, under the bright lights of Wally's World (my nickname for day surgery, not wal-mart), and sinking into my bi-annual K-Hole ... which is already etched in my brain for the 2nd week in May.  It's tooooo soooooooon!!!!    

I have faith that summer is coming.  I have faith that I will shed a few tears today, but I also have faith that I will find a way to keep my emotions from the pain in check.   "It is easier to find men who will volunteer to die, than to find those who are willing to endure pain with patience." ~ Julius Caesar ... "I will endure!!" ~ Jennifer Samson

OMWow!! ... I have THE most fantabulous Team on the planet!!  Not only did he make coffee again this morning, but he's making sure that we get the CU/UNLV game tonight at the Oasis!!  (yayayayayay!!!  this means that I don't have to freak out about making myself presentable enough to go out somewhere to watch it!!!)   ... GO BUFFS!!!  Shoulder to Shoulder!!  Dance, Dance, Dance!!! ... and Thank You, Team!!!  MWAH!!!  

        

Asphinctersayswhat??

Did you know that most RSDers have dual diagnosis-es? (I'm sure that there's a plural form of the word, but I'm too fed up to figure it out right now.)  Did you know that RSD has a wide variety of symptoms and side effects?  Did you know that no 2 RSDers have the exact same symptoms and side effects (at least to my knowledge anyway ... and we all know what a friggin genius I am!!)?  Did you know that RSD and CRPS are the same damn thing?  Did you know that I am tired of hearing about RSDers belittling other RSDer because they don't understand these facts??  I mean seriously people, STFU!!! (sorry Mom!!)  It's bad enough that most Normies and medical professionals can't seem to wrap their brains around these concepts, but to try to discredit an RSDer that, in person, you couldn't pick out of a group of 2 and that you only know through freakin Facebook, is goll-dang pathetic!!  Is this how we want the Normies to see us??  As accusatory malcontents hell-bent on creating as much drama for our own personal entertainment because we have nothing better to do??  Let's each get our own personal facts straight before we start using the medical degrees that we got on WebMD to impose our individual maladies onto another sufferer, or worse, call each other "Liars."

Here are the long and the short of my personal facts ... I have RSD.  I could say that I have CRPS, but that wasn't what it was called when I was 1st diagnosed back in 1991.  Had I been diagnosed (and alive) in 1891, I would probably still be referring to it as "Causalgia" or had I been diagnosed after 2002 I would probably be calling it CRPS.  I could say that I have Type I RSD, but I could also say that I have Type II RSD.  That's what happens when you have a noninvasive, yet substantial injury as your RSD catalyst.  I could say that I'm in Stage III with a few signs of Stage IV, but only after getting out my medical dictionary to define and dissect every damn word in the explanations of all 4 "Stages."  I could say that I have Fibromyalgia as my 2nd diagnosis, IBS as my 3rd, Chronic Upper Respiratory Infection as my 4th, and GERD as my 5th.  And I could say that I probably need to get a thorough physical again soon because 3 and 5 seem to be morphing together somehow.  (RSDers, don't go jumping over to WebMD to try to diagnose me yourselves!!  I'll kick your crippled butts ... verbally, of course!!)

As RSDers, it is our duty to spread awareness in the simplest of terms for all to understand, right??  Quit spewing the doctors' words (or WebMD's) verbatim then!!  I can think of about 63 other things I'd rather learn or do today other than sit at my computer looking up and deciphering every gosh darn symptom that comes gliding across my computer screen!!  And I am an RSDer!!  Imagine how the Normies feel when we (you) use those big words.  Fer reals now, outside of other RSDers and most people in the medical community, how many people know what Allodynia is??  Atrophy??  Dystonia??  Edema??  Hyperesthesia??  Hyperalgesia??  Vasomotor??  Sudomotor??  (Even spell-check doesn't know what half of them are!!)  You people need to learn how to use your words and your imaginations to describe what your symptoms are like.  (I took myself out of that equation because I already do just that!!)  We (yes, putting myself back in again) don't want sympathy, we want understanding and compassion from our Normies and the world in general.  Those big words, without some kind of definition, breed sympathy and disbelief because people don't understand what they are.  For instance, one of my side effects is Dystonia, or as I prefer to call it, the Hippy-Hippy Shakes.  I can't control them but that alone is not gonna kill me!!  The last time I told a Normie that "Dystonia" was just part of the disease, this Normie asked me, "Is that contagious?" as they unconsciously took two steps backward, away from me.  Use your words people!!  Explain things in layman's terms instead of regurgitated doctor-speak!!  Let's bring awareness AND understanding at the same time!!

I have faith that I will continue to use my own words to explain my RSD symptoms and side effects to the masses.  I have faith that by doing so, when a Normie goes to spread awareness on my/our behalf, they will accurately describe, as well as name, the effects.  I have faith that this entry will make absolutely no sense to a lot of people, but I also have faith that this will hit home with quite a few as well.  Share and make aware, and use your words to do it!!  (please??????)

"Ahh Bach!!" ~Radar O'Reilly

The weather is still beautiful, I am still managing my spoons appropriately, I’m having a great week so far with my Team, my mutt and my fam, I am getting things done around the Chalet, and my heart is breaking.  My two favorite pre-teens are struggling like they’ve never struggled before.  Damn you, RSD!!

The Penguin’s RSD has officially spread into her right hand, and of course it’s her dominant hand.  This reminds me of 20 years ago when I was 1st diagnosed with the beast (in my dominant hand).  Having to relearn how to be ambidextrous, write, put on make up, do my hair, shower, cook, etc … this is what comes to my mind when I think of the journey in front of her.  And of course I’m concerned about the amount of stress that this puts on the Warrior Mama and the rest of my Favorite Floridians, having witnessed firsthand how if affected my own family.  And my Godniece is having her first real bout with, for lack of a better term, her emotions.  The anxiety and panic that comes with RSD is brutal and only amplifies the physical pain.  It is so freakin hard to maintain any amount of emotional control when you’re faced with the reality that this is now what your life is like.  My Godsister is beside herself and exhausted as well.  Combine what both of these young ladies are going through with the fact that they are becoming women with all of the “normal” hormonal surges and … ugh!!  This is not a ride that I envy for these families, but I know how strong they all are and I know they will find a way to persevere.  They give me hope and strength!!

This brings me to music.  A Normie might not have to think about things like this, but RSDers have problems tolerating a loud, heavy bass as well as the pounding of the drums.  We feel them in every affected nerve.  I have actually been sent into full body flares from listening to rock music.  I have had to readjust every sound system in my house and car so that I can still enjoy my favorite tunes without having to feel the agony where I once felt pleasure. (This is where I say again, "God bless a capella!!")  I flashed back to when I was much younger, my Dad was studying for the Colorado Bar Association exams and had read about a Russian study that listening to Baroque music (4 meter time or 4/4 time) was calming to the mind and the steady beat promoted learning and memorization.  When I was 1st introduced to Bio-Feedback, I practiced my breathing while listening to Bach.  My therapist was impressed with how well I was able to focus my long and short breaths … until she turned the music off.  Then she was, shall I say, UN-impressed with how scattered and radical my breathing had become.  So she turned the music back on and within seconds I was able to focus and pinpoint my breathing again.  This became my main line of defense against the panic and anxiety attacks, and still is to this day.  

In 1697, William Congreve wrote The Mourning Bride in which he coined the phrase, “Music has Charms to sooth a savage Breast…”.  Often, he is misquoted as saying “… savage beast” which is certainly more applicable for an RSDer, but taken in the intended context of “loss,” they both apply without bias.   Music offers a respite, for me anyway.  As a child, I took piano lessons.  As a young adult with RSD, I began to couple playing the piano as physical therapy (it sounded like massacred Chopsticks at 1st) with Classical music.  Before I knew it (even though it took months) I was able to match my right hand to my left hand playing Bach’s Well-Tempered Clavichord.  Granted, it was slow and painful and I couldn’t quite get the strength up to match the forte’s and crescendo’s, but I breathed as I played, never fully giving in to the anxieties of screwing it up, I kept playing.

I have faith that my fave pre-teens will find some calm in their individual storms.  Even if it’s brief, they will know what it feels like to be able to calm themselves, and in turn, bring some solace to their families.  Then they can learn to use it as a tool in their own bags of tricks.  I have faith that I will continue to use my own knowledge of Bio-Feedback and Baroque music to stave off the emotional breakdowns that can manifest from out of thin air and my momentary bouts of depression.  I also have faith that I will continue to focus my efforts this week so that I can enjoy my time with my fam and out in the sun … with a little help from my good friends Bach, Vivaldi, Pachelbel, and Handel, of course!!  Ahhhhh, Bach!!        

March Madness (in more ways than one)

It was a gorgeous weekend along the Front Range!!  Wow!!  What a way for my own March Madness to begin ... The Bombshell is on Spring Break this week and is in town with my most favoritest Munchkins in the whole wide world.  My University of Colorado Golden Buffaloes won the PAC12 Championship and are going to The Dance!!  My KU Jayhawks didn’t fare quite as well in the Big12 as I would have liked, but they are still going Dancing as well!!  My Team and I spent some time working in his yard on Saturday (he was in shorts and a t-shirt; I was in sweatpants, a tank, a long sleeved t-shirt, a sweatshirt, took the sweatshirt off, took the t-shirt off, put my arms through the t-shirt sleeves and the rest of the shirt behind my shoulders, put the t-shirt all the way on, went back to just the sleeves, and finally needed the sweatshirt again … ah!!  The benefits of layers!!)  The people that report on the Skank are predicting temps in the 70’s all week, with minimal wind and no snow.  They are also predicting that the nightly lows will not go below 40.  March Madness has officially started … and I feel confident enough to make plans … for the whole week!!  Are you kidding me??  It’s friggin March, the worst month of the year, for me, for the last 20 years!!  Thank you, Skank!!  I usually just have to rely on NCAA basketball to help me weather the storms, but she has given this crazy cripple something else to look forward to … in MARCH!!

I know that I still have to contend with my Frankendusa persona in the mornings, so any plans that I make will have to start after 10a.m.  I know that I do not have my summer-stamina yet, so I’ll schedule a daily “rest” from 2-4.  I know that I’m prone to overdo it once and a while (shush!! to those of you that know me personally!!), so I will take my meds and my Go-Bag with me wherever I go this week.  I know that I get to spend happy face time with my fam, so I'll keep my camera handy!!  I know that I’ll have to continue dressing in layers, I have to do that even in the summer.  I know that I can open up the doors and windows and blow the stink of winter out of the Chalet and the Oasis.  I know that Thursday I will watch the CSU Rams take on Murray St just before I go ape-s#*t when the CU Buffs take on UNLV in Albuquerque.  I know that, pain levels (and bball scores) permitting, I can have one helluva week!!  Bring It!!

Have I begun making plans outside of basketball??  No, not yet.  But the possibilities are almost mind-blowing considering the time of year.  The snow will come back, it always does and March is our snowiest month of the year.  But I can tell you that I am gonna work this damn “heat-wave” like I’d work my last piece of Nicorette gum.  There will a price to pay.  There always is when you’re an RSDer.  But acceptance is key!!  I am aware of all of the negativities that can come with overdoing it.  I can make the necessary arrangements for next week so that, God forbid, I should work myself back into a flare this week, I will have nothing to do but rest and recover!!  I like to call it, “Spoon Management.”

I have faith that I will make the most out of the gorgeous week ahead with most of my favorite people in the world.  I have faith that I will stick to my schedule and rest daily.  I’m sure I will have a setback or 2 (they’re inevitable) but I have faith that I will take the necessary precautions to diminish the severity of the setback(s).  Bring on the vitamin D, God’s Prozac, the sunscreen, the capris and (dare I say it) the shorts, the flip-flops, the ball caps … and if Kiva’s lucky, she might get a walk or 2 out of the deal as well!!    

Checking Motives

“In order to have friends, you must first be a friend!!”  ~ Jennifer Samson

This is true for every person on the face of the earth … unless you have a boatload of money and can afford to buy people’s loyalty, but that still does not guarantee that they will consider you “a friend.”  For an RSDer it is no different.  We remember the days when we could spend time with the people that we called “friends.”  We remember the days when we didn’t have to count spoons, pick our battles, plan our recovery times, schedule treatments around events, and could go balls-to-the-wall in every single one of our activities.  This makes us sad … depressed, even.   I often read posts about people losing all of their friends because of their RSD.  This is something to which every RSDer can relate.  We have all mourned the loss of the life we once had prior to our contraction of this nasty beast of a disease.  But friendships should never be completely out of our control.

I think back to 20 years ago when I first contracted and was diagnosed with having, RSD.  The only people that are still active in my life to this day are … my family!!  Thinking back to15 years ago, the cast of characters had changed again, except for, wait for it…, my family!!  10 years ago, another new ensemble of friends, but my family was still there.  What was the common denominator in all of those failed friendships??  ME!!!  In 2005 I got off of the booze and the mind altering pain pills, joined a 12 Step Program and learned about checking my motives.  OMG … I was a demanding, selfish, train wreck of a bitch!!  No wonder I couldn’t keep my friends!!  I have no idea how I had managed to hang on to my family!!  All I was doing was crying and complaining and whining and lashing out!!  Well guess what??  The only real friends that I’ve lost since I realized, and fixed, that tasty little morsel of a life lesson were of my own choosing!!  And it’s only because I try to do the work instead of just demanding the results and having the unmitigated gall of being appalled when people walked out of my life.    

This particular Program taught me to pick up the phone and call two people every morning, never once talking about myself.  I was to ask how the other person was, what was new with them, how their vacation was, what they had for dinner the night before, how their child did in his/her school’s band/choir/theater/sports performance, how many times their dog poops in one day, what flowers they were planning on planting in the spring … anything that had nothing to do with me.  I did not call them to complain about my physical/mental/emotional woes.  I did not ask for advice.  I did not cry.  I did not get angry or bitter because the conversation was not geared toward me.  I listened.  I laughed.  I asked questions that aroused from the conversation.  I even made plans once and a while.  Most importantly, I learned how to try!!

I can honestly say that the “friends” that I have today see me try!!  They know that I still have my bad days when it’s tough to see passed my own nose, but they know that those are the days when I try to keep to myself.  The last thing I want to do is bitch their ears off!!  There is a select group to whom I can vent when I need to get something off of my chest, but I try to use a rotation so that I’m not complaining about the same thing over and over to the same friend.  My Team, CaliAngel, ColoAngel, Warrior Mama, Raspberry Shortcake, Houdini, repeat.  If all they were to see and hear was just the bad stuff, they wouldn’t want to stick around either!!  I try to show them that I am there for them!!  I try to do the work to maintain my side of the friendship.  I don’t always succeed, but my success rate continues to rise!!  It’s all about progress, not perfection.  Acceptance, not denial.  Giving, not demanding.

You know what??  I HAVE RSD!!  BUT IT DOES NOT HAVE ME!!  I will not go gently into that good night, I will not roll over and play dead (hell, I won’t even teach my dog that trick!!), I will not give up!!  The mind altering pills made me not care about anything and only exacerbated my relatively dormant selfish tendencies.  My life through clearer eyes makes me care.  The pain I can manage, even if I can’t control it.  I don’t need to host my own pity party every damn day of the week!!

 I have faith that will continue to try being a friend, and a pleasant person to be around.  I have faith that on days when I can’t keep myself together, I will temporarily remove myself from the situation.  I have faith that I can be a mature adult who can laugh and have fun and not a demanding, needy infant that just cries and sleeps.  I have faith that I will continue to check my motives!!  And I encourage my fellow RSDers to do the same!!  That being said, I’m going to try to take a shower so that my Team doesn’t have to see the same train wreck that he’s had to witness for the last 2 days!!

Who Saved Whom?

On November 30, 2007 my Mommie saved my life.  She adopted me!!  I had been severely abused and I trusted no one.  The nice people at the Humane Society tried their best with me, but, towards them, I was all but responsive and pleasant.  I had just been returned for the 3rd time and they were talking about sending me to the “farm” because I couldn’t be reintegrated into society.  <enter the tall blonde lady with a cane>  She saw me cowering in the back corner of my cell.  I had no roommates and no toys.  I did have a blanket, food and water though.  I also had a card on my cell door that read “At Risk.”  Every other human that came through the doors, looking to adopt a new family member, took one look at that card, not me, and kept walking.  Not the tall, blonde lady.  She fell to her knees and cried.  All she could say to me was, “You too??”

I skulked to where she was kneeling and let her scratch my nose and ears through my chain link cell.  A blue shirted volunteer walked by and stopped short when she saw us exchanging affection.  The volunteer exclaimed, “Don’t do that!  She may bite at you!”  The Lady scratched my cheeks and said to me, “I’ll be right back.”  She used her cane to pull herself to her human feet (at the time I didn’t know why she needed the cane ... now I know that I hate RSD and what it does to her).  I have no idea what they were whispering about to each other, but The Lady looked down at me, winked, and said, “See you in a minute, Kiva.”  And then she was gone.  I whined.  The blue shirted volunteer grabbed a leash off of a hook on the wall and opened my cage.  I bolted for the back corner again.  She affixed the leash to my collar and drug me out of my cell, through 2 sets of double doors, around the big desk where the other blue shirted volunteers were working, through another set of swinging double doors, and before I knew it, we were outside … and so was The Lady and her cane!!

That was how my Mommie saved me!!  It has taken a lot of work on both of our parts over the last 4 years, but every second of her love has made my life wonderful.  She even taught me tricks using homemade doggie treats as training incentives.  She takes me to Dr Don when I don’t feel good, she gives me baths, she gives me special oils and runs humidifiers for my itchy dry skin, and she only buys the best foods for me from specialty stores.

Come to find out, I saved her too!!  My Mommie can’t work and has to stay home a lot.  I keep her company and I help to keep her at her personal “normal level of sanity.”  (If you know my Mommie, you know what that dorky level is!!)  She works with me as therapy for my abuse and abandonment issues and also for physical therapy for her hands, arms, hips, and legs.  I’d say “feet” but I don’t help her with those … I like to step on them and whack them with my tail.

Last night my Mommie ran out of spoons, even her Reserve Spoon.  After work, my Daddy picked us up at the Chalet and brought us to the Oasis.  By the time we walked through the door, all Mommie could do was collapse on the couch.  This is when she needs me most.  She needed me to cuddle with her and help keep her calm while Daddy put chicken, pork chops and sausage in the smoker so they could have dinner for a few nights and Mommie can just "chill" for a couple days.  I guess I’m the only living thing on the planet that can make her stay put and rest when she wants to get up and help Daddy.  I helped my Mommie rest long enough to recover a spoon so that she could eat dinner and go to bed.  (Yes, that takes one whole spoon!)  Today I will help her to recover a few more spoons and, if I have to, we’ll do it again tomorrow.  Rest, Mommie.  I will take care of you.

I have faith that Mommie will be back to her old self very soon.  Even the strong ones need someone strong to be strong for them sometimes.  I have faith that she will rest today so that she has the energy to face her days again, starting tomorrow!!  Mommie knows what she has to do, and so do I.  Have no fear, I, Kiva the Wondermutt, am on the job!!  Down, Mommie!!  Down!!  Good girl!!

The Midnight Polar Bear Plunge

Two.  Count ‘em … one … two!!  That’s how many total hours of sleep I was able to put together last night.  After three beautiful, albeit painful to an RSDer at this time of year, days of 65+ temps, there is now freezing drizzle and impending snow.  I went to bed last night at 10:30.  By 12:30, I was wide awake, shivering (almost to the point of convulsing) and lying in a body length puddle of night sweats.  Oh yeah, good times!!  (meh)

<Enter Coach Crankypants> They make pills for pain, inflammation, relaxing muscles, infections, allergies, colds, high blood pressure, acid reflux, headaches/migraines, menopause, erectile dysfunction, hair growth, vomiting, lowering cholesterol, (Kiva just added ‘heart worm,’)  pms/cramps/bloating, gas/farts/toots, quitting smoking, diarrhea, depression, and the list goes on and on and on.  But there is no pill, no cork for the pores, no body sized Sham-Wow for a chronic pain patient with night sweats.  Why is that???  Why must we have to endure the pain and loss and frustration AND uncontrollable sweating??

As a former jock who has retained her jock-like mentality, I know that there are good sweats and bad sweats.  Exercise, good sweats.  Spicy foods, good sweats.  Sex, very good sweats.  Stress, bad sweats.  Pain, bad sweats.  Fever, bad sweats.  So why does this happen to RSDers (and other chronic pain sufferers) in the middle of the night, while sound-ish asleep??  This is my question for the day and I will not rest until I have an acceptable answer.  You can make “doctor-talk” all you want, but until someone is able to explain this to me in terms to which I can relate, I’m bitchin’!!

I use bio-feedback to control my heart rate and blood pressure, even during a flare (70’s-80’s and 100/60).  Since birth, maybe before, you’d have to ask Mom, I have run a low-grade fever (97.8, to be exact).  So how in the sam-hill-heck can I be sweating when my body is as much at rest as it can be??  Ah, the mysteries of a mysterious illness … Shut The Front Door, RSD!!  I want my life back, dammit!!!

I have faith that I will use this negative side effect to increase my own awareness of RSD as I do my due diligence today to find ways to combat my midnight polar bear plunges.  It’s true, I fight like a girl, but this girl does not give up!!  Yes, I am overly tired and frustrated today, but I still have faith that I can rise from my soggy ashes with a non-narcotic remedy!!  Today I will be a Mermonix … Mermaid/Phoenix … I’ll just leave you with that visual for now!!

How I Spent My Weekend … by Jenn Samson

By Saturday, March 3, I was 10 days into a right foot and ankle flare.  I’d had enough time to get accustomed to it and was walking okay-ish.  I put on my comfiest sweats (a dark pinkish/purple-ish color), my fluffiest socks (white with pink, purple, and orange hearts), and my Dr. Scholl’s gel insole-d Blowfish tennies (brown plaid with elastic “laces” to allow for swelling).  I was definitely not the best dressed broad on the block (sorry, no pics of that) but I headed into the kitchen to continue the beeline toward my own goal of Marching Forth by March 4th.  Did I accomplish my goal??  YES!!  Deal with it, haters!!  :-P … here is a tiny taste (pun intended) of how I began marching forth…  And FYI, I am making a compilation of these for binding … stay tuned!!)

What I needed:

An oven and stove
Flat surface (no, my chest does not qualify)
1 jumbo muffin sized muffin tin
2 med. cooking vessels
1 med. Mixing bowl
1 colander
1 - 1 cup measuring cup
1 - ½ cup measuring cup
Paper towels
1 ruler or measuring tape
A faucet with running water
L’il bit of dish soap
1 handiprepped rolling pin
1 lg. handiprepped mixing spoon
1 regular ol’ teaspoon from the silverware drawer
1 regular ol’ fork from the silverware drawer
1 regular ol’ steak knife from the silverware drawer
1 sm. cutting board
2 oven mitts
1 cup uncooked penne pasta
2 boneless, skinless chicken breasts
1 15oz. jar Alfredo pasta sauce
1 box thingy of frozen spinach
1 16.3oz. can refrigerated buttermilk biscuits
½ cup shredded parmesan cheese

What does “handiprepped” mean??  hmmm … guess you’ll have to wait for the book!! ;)


How I did it:

Preheat the oven to 350.
1) Put the colander in the sink.  In the colander,  empty contents of spinach box.  Let hot water run over the green chunk.
2) In cooking vessel #1, catch some hot water before it hits the spinach.  Put vessel on the stove, turn burner to medium high.  Put chicken breasts into the water heavy vessel.  Let boil until the water is gross and the chicken is no longer pink on the inside.
3) In cooking vessel #2,  catch some more hot water before it hits the green stuff.  Put vessel on the stove, turn burner to medium high.  Pour in the penne pasta.  Let it cook passed the point of “al dente.”
4) In the mixing bowl, dump out the jar of sauce.
5) Go back to the sink and make sure the spinach is thawed.  Break up the last few frozen chunks with hands.
6) Turn off water.
7) Shake colander 20 times with right hand.
8) Shake colander 20 times with left hand.
9) Realize that you just found a new PT activity.
10) Lay out a triple layer of paper towels on the flat surface.  Have another triple layer off to the side.
11) Dump colander contents onto paper towel pile.  Grab the other pile and lie it on top of the green stuff.
12) Press and blot until the spinach  is not dripping.  (more PT)
13) Rinse out the colander.  Leave it in the sink.  (I tried to put it in the dishwasher.  It was too early.)
14) Peel spinach off of the paper towels and put it in the mixing bowl.
15) With modified lg. mixing spoon, stir 20 times with right hand.
16) Stir 20 times with left hand.
17) Realize that the Crazy Cripple is a friggin genius.
18) Go back to the stove.  Turn burner under the pasta to “off.”
19) Without spilling, take pot of pasta to the sink.
20) Dump pasta and water into the colander.
21) Shake colander 10 times with right hand.
22) Shake colander 10 times with left hand.
23) Dump pasta into the mixing bowl.  Return colander to sink.  (again, lesson learned the hard way.)
24) Stir 10 times with right hand.
25) Stir 10 times with left hand.
26) Go back to the stove.  Turn burner under the chicken to “off.”
27) Without spilling, take pot of chicken to the sink.
28) Dump chicken and water into the colander.
29) With the fork and knife, stab 1 breast … (of chicken, you freaks!!)
30) On cutting board, chop chicken into bite sized cubes.
31) Put chicken cubes into mixing bowl.
32) Repeat 29, 30 & 31.
33) Stir 10 times with right hand.
34) Stir 10 times with left hand.
35) Wash cutting board with l’il bit of dish soap.
36) Dry cutting board with paper towel.
37) Unwrap label from can of biscuits.
38) Drop can on floor.
39) Squat to pick up can.  Repeat the squat motion 10 times but do not drop the biscuits again.
40) Take 6 dough blobs.  (but you’ll only do this to 1 at a time)
41) On the cutting board, with modified rolling pin, roll each blob into flat 5½” wide dots.
42) In the muffin tin, gently squish each large dot into a cup, pressing gently, forming a ¼” rim to the top of the cup.
43) Put the remaining 2 biscuit blobs into a sealable baggie for biscuits & gravy the next morning. J
44) With the regular spoon from the silverware drawer, scoop pasta mixture into the 6 biscuit voids.
45) Top each cup with the parm cheese.
46) With 2 hands, carry muffin tin & contents to the oven.  Set on stove.
47) Open oven door.
48) With 2 hands, put muffin tin and contents into oven.
49) Close oven door.
50) Bake for 28-32 minutes.
51) Finally put all used dishes, minus the muffin tin, in the dishwasher.
52) Rest.
53) When timer goes off, wake up.
54) Put each hand into an oven mitt.  (2 hands = 2 mitts)
55) Open oven door.  (note to self: stand back a little bit or your mascara will epoxy your top and bottom lashes together)
56) Using both mitts, remove muffin tin & contents.  Set on stove to cool.
57) Close oven door.
58) Allow the lightly browned pies to cool for 1 minute.
59) Remove pies from tin.
60) EAT!!!

I have faith that I will continue to experiment with recipes in a very handicapable fashion (pun intended).  I also have faith that I will continue to find inspiration to cook, create, and write it all down ... always making my kitchen adventures as fun for myself as possible!!  And if you can have fun doing it too, all the better!!

Quit B*tchin' and Get Silly (sorry Mom)

Woo hoooo hooo hooo hooooo … I found something that makes the frustration of RSD pale in comparison!!!  Writer’s Block!!  I have been sitting at my computer for the better part of 5 hours, scanning through my RSD groups and pages to find the hot topics of the day, and finally realizing, “Man oh man, we bitch a LOT!!”  (sorry Mom, I had to!!)  Granted, life has dealt us a crappy hand with this bat rastard of a disease, but still … wow!! (and I am not amazed in a “good” way!!)  So today, I am challenging all of my RSD friends to not bitch for 4 days, and to find a way to turn the negative into something silly.  Why 4 days??  Because on March 4, we can begin to march forth with a new outlook.  Sounds crazy, no??  Well, consider the source ... but it really does work!!  I’ve done it before and I’m sure I’ll have to do it again, at least 50-60 more times in my life.  Living with RSD is brutal and depressing, but if we don’t make a conscious effort to watch our words and how we convey our pain, our Normies will cease to listen.  Yes, misery loves company, but silliness is contagious.  Since I’ve had some practice at this already, I’ll start, k???

For the last 2 days, my right foot and ankle have been in full flare, making mobility nearly impossible.  I’ve been fighting off this full flare for 9 days and it would appear that I lost the battle.  But did I really??  Nope!!  I just had to do some things differently.  Since I couldn’t let my foot touch anything, I crawled on my hands and knees to get to the bathroom and kitchen.  Since I couldn’t stand up to cook dinner, I linked my arm around a kitchen chair leg as I crawled to the kitchen, stood up, and put my right knee on the seat so that my foot hung off the end and touched nothing.  I created my own version of Frosted Flakes out of boring Corn Chex.  I put the bowl of cereal on the seat, got back on my hands and knees, linked my arm around the chair leg again, and crawled back to the table.  And then I ate!!!  Aaaaaand then I spewed milk out my nose as my imaginative brain took over and made a movie out of what that adventure must’ve looked like.

Just because we look pathetic, doesn’t mean that we have to be pathetic.  Let’s make games out of the mundane, let’s put the “able” back in handicapable, let’s put the “fun” back in dysfunctional, let’s give ourselves the opportunities to giggle.  Yes, we will have our bad days, and we will cry/scream/howl, but those days are only as “bad” as we allow them to be.  Be a ham!!  Put on a show!!  Show the Normies that, although you have RSD, RSD does not have you.  Be creative about it too!!  Always take time to listen to your body, rest, recover, and rejuvenate, but don’t lose your sense of humor in the process.  And then share those experiences on the social media sites!!!   

I have faith that I will keep my sense of humor despite the pain.  I have faith that a few of you will join me in marching forth on March 4th.  And I have faith that I’ll get a few emails at havefaith_ 91@yahoo.com yelling at me for making them look bad, but I’ll also get a few emails asking me for suggestions on how to make some “chore” into a silly adventure.  Being silly takes practice … so, dammit, PRACTICE, PEOPLE!!!  Mad love to you all from the Crazy Cripple!!