Directionally Challenged ... it's a Jenn-ism

This is an all-encompassing phrase that pretty much sums up my whole adult life.  But here's what made me think of it today ...

I got lost in north Denver this morning ... even with GPS on my iPhone.  For some reason, I subconsciously find the need to go beyond my turn for a block or 5 before I turn around and try to get back to where the little blue dot on my phone says that I need to go.  Yep, it's not an adventure unless I have to make at least one u-turn.  Needless to say, I have had a lot of auto-ventures!  For about 16 years, most of these auto-ventures resulted in a stress-induced flare.  As the years went on, the only thing at which my skill level improved was hiding the pain.  Put me on a highway, interstate, open road, in mini-cities or smaller and it's vroom vroom-game on!!  Put me in big cities and expect me to navigate myself more than 5 minutes off of the interstate or beaten path and I am screwed!  But you know what all of this has taught me over the last 4 years?  If I can find a way to poke fun at myself, make light of the situation and, most importantly, laugh, I can avoid a flare, relax a little bit and that's when I usually locate my destination.  It's all a matter of perspective.  Unfortunately there are very few people who take the time to understand my quirks.  Most people just think I'm a little crazy and try to help by telling me where to go, but my true friends trust that I will get them to our destination safely ... via a scenic route and they will laugh with me.  And can I just say, "thank God for open minds that allow the possibilities of multiple perspectives"?  Seriously!  If I stress out about every little thing that I screw up, I'll be locked up in a padded room and heavily sedated.

Back to getting lost this morning ... I was heading to the elementary school where my brother is a 2nd grade teacher.  They're studying the War of 1812 and my brother knows that history is one of my passions and had asked me if I would like to come and help.  So ... While he taught about Betsy Ross, Dolley Madison and Francis Scott Key, I graded math papers.  While he was explaining how "Old Ironsides" got it's nickname, I was checking vocabulary homework.  And while he was giving a math lesson about measurements, I was playing on Facebook on my phone.  Honestly though, I love helping in the classroom.  I've been doing it for over 25 years.  My mom retired from kindergarten teaching 2 years ago and my sister teaches Kindergarten in Kansas City.  Helping with kids is one of the few things that I can do where I feel good about myself and the work I do.  And sometimes, the satisfaction of being able to help my family and future generations and be able to put my heart into the work without hesitation is a fantazmic distraction from the depression off of which the teeth grinding pain feeds.  Today is just that kind of day!!

Another u-turn that I've made in my life was quitting booze and pain pills.  In my own defense, I was only taking the pills as prescribed.  You know those little warning labels on the sides of the pill bottles?  There's "Take with food," "Stay out of sunlight," "Avoid operating heavy machinery," "Do not consume alcohol while taking this medication," ... yeah, I didn't pay a whole lot of attention to those.  I had a flask of martini's tucked beside my bed, I filled and refilled empty 2 liter bottles of ginger-ale with $20 bottles of champagne and, at one time, I had a lovely collection of wine bottles.  No two were the same.  I was so f*#cked up all of the time that I only got out of bed to go to the bathroom, refill my coffee and smoke.  My folks (God bless 'em) sat me down for a little intervention on a sunny Sunday morning in June of 2005.  That was pleasant ... NOT!  My mom lost all of her make-up and snot to two boxes of tissues.  My dad, Mr. Stoicism, could barely look me in the eye ... and he's an attorney!  Last but not least there was my husband (now EX ... again, let's thank God for that), who was ready to give my skinny ass the boot.  We looked at 28 day rehab facilities but because of the RSD, no one was willing to take on that liability.  So lucky me got to spend my time in the psych ward ... oops, I mean Life Management Unit.  It allowed my docs to monitor me as I detoxed from the alcohol while they re-regulated my pain meds.  After 3 days with the crazies, I walked into the shrink's office and told her that I wanted off of ALL of my meds.  I was sick and tired of being sick and tired and I was willing to stay there to do it. We had a pow-wow with my other docs and I was warned that there would come a day when I would have to take them again.  I said, "Nope!  Let's do this!"  (I was riding the pink cloud of being sober, don't judge!)  Three weeks later I walked out of that place with a new lease on life and some really cool pictures that I drew during art class.

IT IS OK TO MAKE U-TURNS AND LAUGH ABOUT THEM!!!  You WILL arrive at your destination eventually, but make the best out of whatever bad situation you're in ... or at least try to make the best out of it.  Stress adds pain, pain adds stress, stress adds pain, pain adds ... do you see the ugly monotony that can be avoided??  I knew you could!!