Tag, I'm It

Let's talk about being single, living alone, and having RSD, shall we??  I'm it.  I'm all I've got.  When I fall, when I can't get up, when I can't walk, when I need to eat, I am the only person in the house that I can look to for help.  So if I don't eat, yes it's my own fault, but then again, not really.  I could get up to cook (or reheat) if it didn't hurt so bad to stand on flaring feet, or if the dystonic tremors would subside long enough for my hands to hold on to pots, pans, dishes, and utensils.  There are times when I have to booty-scoot through my house because my legs just can't do it alone.  Times like when I have to go to the bathroom, refill my coffee cup, let Kiva out, answer the door, or turn on the lights.  It's do-able, but it sucks and it's exhausting.  And I don't have many fellow RSDers with whom I can commiserate.  Most RSDers that I know have a spouse, a roommate, a parent, a sibling, or child that can help out at any given time.  I have a dog that licks my face when I cry. (her lack of opposable thumbs makes it difficult for her to help)  

Yes, I can always call someone to come over and help me, but I still have to get to the front door to unlock it and the unlatch the screen door as well.  (I'm a single woman who lives alone, yes, I keep my doors locked and latched!!)  There have been times in the past when every one of my "rescuers" have been unavailable and have I ever mentioned how much I loathe having to ask for help outside of my fam??  Ugh!!  During the Christmas season it's even more difficult for me to ask.  Everyone is busy shopping, baking, traveling, going to holiday parties, spending time with their loved ones ... I can't be the source of interruption.  I categorically refuse!!  So I suck it up and deal and do it my way.

Last night was a big holiday party night for my family.  Yesterday was also the last day to pick up my Ketamine sprays before they closed for 6 days.  (They're only open from 1 in the afternoon until 7 at night ... prime holiday party time)  It was below freezing outside at 5:30 when I got the call that my scripts were ready, the fam's parties were in full swing, and I was forced to rescue myself.  I bundled up (4 layers and a down coat), let the car idle in the garage (with the door up ... I'm not that dumb!!) for 15 minutes with the heater blasting and then Kiva and I made our way out into the cold, dark niiii...evening.  (Luckily, my SS check was directly deposited a day early so I was able to afford this adventure on my own.)

1st stop was for the K sprays, of which they only had 1 ready for me.  The 2%, but they ran out of K to make the 4%.  Super duper. <smh>  2nd stop, after glancing at the amount of gas left in the car, was the gas station.  Since there was no one available to stand in the cold to pump the gas for me, I put on 2 pairs of gloves and did it by myself.  As I was marching in place to try to stay warm, I got hit by a cold wind and I about lost it right there.  Green in the gills, I had one more stop to make at the other pharmacy that has normal hours and takes care of my stomach and upper respiratory shi....stuff.  I waited in their drive-thru for 20 minutes.  I had warmed up, but I was still partially seized from the onset of the chill.  And then my stomach growled.  I got my scripts, took one of my nausea pills, and opted to turn my night around, for the better.  Because I'm the only one that can help me.

After a quick stop at McDonald's and Redbox, Kiva and I came home and cuddled up for dinner and a movie.  Thank you, Avengers, for coming to my rescue when I was finally too weak to do it myself!!

I have faith that when I have to suck it up and deal, I can.  Even if it causes me more pain, I'll just keep on doing it my way because I don't have a choice.  I have faith that I will continue to "be it" for myself when everyone else that has a life is unavailable.  It's Christmas week, the Bombshell and the Munchkins will be here late tonight, I'm going out with the Fun Folk tonight for an End of the World party (cuz it's 12-21-12), and I am stoked to have the whole fam together for a while!!  I have faith that I"ll recover from all of this, I have to!!  I'm "it"!!

If I don't get a chance to blog again before Tuesday, may you all have a blessed Holiday Season.  Merry Christmas, Happy Kwanzaa, Happy Holidays, and to my Jewish friends that are wrapping up Hanukkah I wish you a Happy Movie Night ;) 

... Peace to you all and much love from Kiva and The Crazy Cripple!!