Be Blessed ... Like Me!!

RSDers around the world get frustrated easily.  We have this "rare" condition/disorder/illness for which there is no cure.  For most of us it's usually "invisible."  We are rarely believed by our family and friends and a huge chunk of the medical community still hasn't even heard of it.  We are called addicts, pill seekers, hypochondriacs, liars, and drama queens/kings.  We do everything in our power to make our voices heard, and still we are met with resistance.

To the namecallers, doubters, disbelievers, ignorers, and know-it-all-assholes I say this ... Fuck You!! (sorry Mom ... kinda but not really.)  We, RSD sufferers, have an Awareness Month, an International Awareness Day, an Awareness Ribbon color, and the doctor bills to prove that our disorder exists!!  And to my family and friends that believed me from the start, stuck with me thru thick and thin, and never lost faith in me even when I'd lost faith in myself, I say this ... I Love You!!  To the moon and back, for ever and ever, and from the bottom of my heart!!  My Mom, my Dad, the Bombshell (my sister), and Houdini (my brother) have never ever doubted my pain.  I truly am one of the lucky ones!!

Today is Nervember 5, RSD Awareness Day!!  All I can say is ... WOW!!  I made 2 posts on Facebook last night asking my friends and family to wear orange today to help me, and a couple million other RSDers, raise awareness.  Wanna know how many of my FB/Normie friends had not heard of RSD until they met me??  Approximately 98% of them!!  Wanna know how many are UNaware now?? NONE!!  Wanna know how many of them have posted pics of themselves wearing orange today??  97 and counting!!  I feel blessed!!  There is no other word that accurately describes how I feel.  Emtionally, spiritually, mentally, and physically ... I feel blessed.

Yep, you read that right!!  Physically I feel blessed too!!  Every RSDer has asked the universe, "Why me?"  Well ... I know "why me"!!  I was given RSD so that I could help bring it into the spotlight of human consciousness.  Just like the world knows about cancer, the world will know about RSD.  Now ... Wanna know how I know that I have done just that??  A couple days ago, a friend of mine from high school, who is now an ICU and Cardiac nurse in New Mexico, posted this on my FB wall ... "Jen, I just wanted to tell you that you are helping me be a better nurse and helping others as well. We recently had a young woman in the ICU with lupus and the staff did not understand the pain involved. I have taken this opportunity to teach them about the pain involved with Lupus and RSD. I have even started to teach them about spoons.  You are such a strong woman and are a blessing to those around you. Love you."  My suffering is paving the way for others!!  The medical community is listening to me!!  This sqeaky wheel is gettin' herself some grease, dammit!!  I ... am ... making ... a ... difference!!!  I have been blessed with the monster, RSD!!

Keep wearing orange!!  Keep educating yourselves and others about the existance and horrors of RSD!!  Keep hangin' tough!!  My faith has been restored time and time again!!  RSDers, don't give up!!  Between the moments of varied excruciating maladies, feel blessed!!  You are still here to tell your tale.  You have someone who will listen and believe (me).  Your story might just give someone else the hope and faith that they need to get thru their bad days!!  YOU can change the world!!

FURSD!!!

Finding Happiness in Hugs

You will never hear me complain about the amplified pain that is brought on by hugs.  Never!!  I may get snarky about them in a humous way, but I will not complain!!  I had such a great time this last weekend with some absolutely amazing Bronco Nuts!!  I will willingly pay, for as long as it takes, for these zapping skin flares and vibrating tuning forks that I call "bones" to subside.  On Saturday, and with my fave sidekicks, ColoAngel and Fave Hubs, we journeyed to Denver for Nut Summit 2013 and I wasn't anxious about the pain that I knew would come because I was with them.  2 years ago the only thing that we, The Nuts, knew that we had in common was our love for the Denver Broncos, and now we're as close as we can get without being biologically related.  Boy howdy did I get hugged that night ... and I loved every minute of it!!  I got hugs from all over Colorado, Washington state, a double whammy from NY, and I got a Bear hug from Wyoming!!  I finally got to comiserate with the Princess, harass the Fader, and not feel like a giant among the women.  With Houdini as our batender, there was way too much fun to be had by all!!  My only regret was not being able to go to the Broncos/Redskins game the next day.  Hey, I'm a Spoonie and I can't do it all.  I don't have to like it, but I do have to accept it.

I knew that I'd need a distraction this week so I had shows and movies lined up and food cooked and frozen for later consumption.  I thought I had escaped the worst of the blood detox so I only prepared for the RSD pain ... I was wrong and I am screwd ... momentarily.  These last 2 days I have gone through most of my stash of post-treatment-puke-bags and I can only wear sweats that have elastic around the waist because I'm so weak that I'm just not quick enough to get to the bathroom and get my sweats untied in time.  This truly sux!!  Only 1 more week ... 1 more week ... holy crap I hafta make it 1 more week.  I have absolutely no clue where I'm going to get the strength and spoons to survive 1 more week.  I'm pooped!! (literally) ... I'm exhausted ... I'm in pain ... I'm nauseous ... I can't stay asleep for more than 2 hours ... I haven't showered since before the Nut Summit on Saturday because I'm afraid of how the water will feel ... I'm a w-r-e-c-k, wreck!! 

But I'm still blessed and happy!!  I have wonderful memories of wonderful people, my best friend keeps making me giggle, my dog won't leave my side, and my folks have returned from KS so now I don't have to go to the store for more toilet paper and ginger ale.  I can get thru anything RSD throws at me as long as have my dog and my people and faith!!!!!

And now I shall resume my position in the big, brown, comfy chair with Kiva draped around my shoulders like a boa and await delivery from My Mom!!! 

General Jenn vs Toxic Blood

Soooo ... Maybe things are a little worse than I've been letting on recently.  Yes, I'm down to 115lbs; yes, I throw more nausea pills down my gullet daily than I do pots of coffee; yes, I'm not remotely comfortable unless I have a heating pad draped across my belly and set to Medium-High; yes, every time I eat, no matter how much I eat, my whole torso is in agonizing pain for hours afterward; yes, my multiple mini burps have turned into ripping belches that leave all Booger fans awestruck; and yes, all of this added ick has made my RSD pain somewhat worse.  When my regular doc recommended that I go see a Gasteroenterologist, I freaked out.  That is the one specialty that scares me beyond belief.  Luckily I am biologically related to an MD who is "...a master classical homeopath as well as a cutting edge integrative and anti-aging doctor.  Equally at home with Chinese medicine theory as well as modern bio-identical hormone therapy..." or so says his website.  To me, he's just my brilliant 1st cousin, The MD, and he suggested that I go see a friend of his in Denver that could help me get to the root of the problem to irradicate it instead of just treating the individual symptoms.

Well ... I took my first real dip in the Eastern Medicine pool today and I can honestly say that I am both releived and terrified.  I am releived that My Mom went with me and we both already adore this doctor.  She explained things to us in ways that we could understand and she and I have the same warped sense of humor.  There was nothing about her presense, words, or mannerisms that made me (or My Mom) feel uneasy or made either of us question her motives.  The woman even told me, in her cute Indian accented voice, that she would hold my hand through this whole ordeal.  Are you kidding me?  What doctor does that?  The terrifying part is knkowing that I've already detoxed off of alcohol, pain killers, and valium, and that SUCKED!!!  I had fully planned on never reliving those 1st 90 days ever ever again!!  But ... her plan definitely beats the alternative!!!

She pricked the pinky finger of my left hand and made 2 blots on one slide and 1 blot on another.  The 1st one was to test my blood type ... I'm an O.  The 2nd one she put under a microscope and recorded my "active" blood onto a dvd that she played for us.  My white blood cells do not look like octopii, I'm told this is a bad thing.  The deposits of plaque in my blood have yellow and green spots on them signifying that bile is seeping into my bloodstream instead of getting flushed out.  Since I had my gall bladder removed in 1999, my body has continued to make gall stones.  Since there is no organ to hold them all anymore, billions of them float freely (in particle form) through my veins and ateries.  My white blood cells were not attacking and devouring the plaque.  I was only showing 1-2 nuclei per cell as opposed to the 4-5 nuclei of a healthy person.  Add to that the disruption of blood flow caused by RSD and you get the grand total of ... <dun dun nuh> Toxic Blood ... but here's the thing ... Eastern Medicine doesn't get all wrapped up in the name of the diagnosis, she just explained it to me as "toxic blood." (It was such a releif to not hear the term GastroParesis!!)  So now I have to detox my blood using herbs, supplements, oils (ew castor oil), and specific enzymes for my blood type.  She told me that wasn't going to sugar coat what was about to happen to me.  "You'll think you're dying."  She told me what happened to her when she did a similar detox (her blood type is A and she is a cancer survivor) and she told me that she ran she ran a temp of 103*-104* for almost a week. <insert my panicked face here> And then she told me that soon as her fever broke, she felt physically stronger than she had in years.  She is now 3 years passed her Western Medicine Expiration Date and that woman has earned my trust as well as my respect!!

So now I detoxify my blood and I focus on rebuilding healthy cells for the next 3 weeks.   I have to get my body to excrete bile like it's supposed to and not the way to which it's become accustomed.  I get to up the amount of Epsom salt baths I take every week, and I get to have faith.  My flair for fighting the good fights and bad flares, my strong support system, the 2 new additions to my medical dream team, a positive attitude, and the sheer deisre to appropriately fill out a pair of jeans again without the added padding of fleece lined leggings underneath are what's going to keep me moving forward in this battle with my head held high.  Fighting on........

Tougher Than Patton, I Am

How do you cope with the anger, depression, fear, and tears associated with new or reoccurring health issues?  Do you give into the anger and let it fuel your depression or do you weigh your options right away and develop a plan of attack?  Do you let the fear paralyze you or do you fight against it with every fiber of your being?  Do your uncontrollable sobs incite uncontrollable flares or are you able to dry your own eyes in order to avoid the amplified pain?  Have you paid enough attention to your own personal signs to recognize when the vicious cycle is going to hit you again or do you lie, deny, and act surprised each and every time it happens?  Do you bitch, moan, and complain to everybody that comes within earshot, drawing them into your drama or do you hold your tongue and only confide all of your uneasinesses to a small handful of trusted friends or family members?  Do you make a conscious decision to continue fighting or do you threaten yourself with giving up?  But most importantly ... Do you have a game plan for the next time it happens or are you just going to sit on the sidelines of your own life and continue to ask the universe, "Why me?"

Here's what recently happened to me and here's the game plan that I had already implemented for myself.  (My game plan has been 22 years in the making and it's still not perfect, but since I'm still alive to tell the tale and pass along what I know about how I got to this place in my life, I'll take that 100% success rate!!)  Yesterday afternoon, after a trip to my primary care doc, I was given some expected, yet disturbing news.  I was emotionally numb as I aimlessly walked out of his office.  All I can say is "thank God for my support system"!!!  (I have a mental list of the few people I feel comfortable enough to confide in 1st, 2nd, 3rd, etc, when I'm faced with adversity that is in direct relation to my RSD.  When I have non-RSD issues, I have a different list even though it contains the same names.  It's all about the order!!)  The 2 doosies that were delivered to me yesterday were 1.) chronic bronchitis and 2.) my stomach issues have caused me to lose an alarming amount of weight .  

1.) I knew that I had bronchitis, I felt it on Sunday.  It happens every time I go in for treatment (which happened to be last Friday).  My non-existent immune system (courtesy of RSD) cannot fight off these kinds of infections.  This is how it's been for the last 22 years.  It's only been the last 3-4 years that I've had a game plan to keep it from returning to the old norm of pneumonia.  I knew that bronchitis was inevitable so I had my anesthesiologist prescribe an antibiotic and an inhaler for me the week before treatment.  I also upped my vitamin C intake to 4000 mg per day, like any knowledgeable RSDer would do before going into any kind of surgical procedure.  I started taking echinacea tabs, shots of this nasty, immune booster crap called Sambucus (made by Nature's Way), and I had a call in to my regular doc before 10a.m. Sunday morning.  Right away he called in all of my chest meds and set me up with an appt on Thursday (yesterday).

2.) Now, anyone that knows me or that has seen a recent picture of me, knows that my bony 5'11" frame was already supporting minimal poundage, but to see the concerned look on the nurse's face when she called me back coupled with the appalling numbers on the scale put a whole new perspective on what I'm facing.  I wasn't in shock, I knew it was going to be bad news.  The Body Mass Index says that a woman my height should weigh about 155 lbs.  For the better part of 21 years I have managed to keep my weight between 130 and 135.  Yesterday I tipped the scales at an uber-svelte 115.  Just another reason for me to hate the accuracy of math.  After trial and error with the local gastroenterology specialists about 5 years back, I will be looking outside of my little hamlet for a GI doc that is versed in RSD instead of ignorant about it.  Here's the deal ... I eat!!  And I have been known to eat mass quantities in one sitting!!  Oh yeah, I have references!!  But I have to not be nauseous in order to do it.  I have tried different kinds of smoothies and protein shakes to supplement my diet, but again, I have to not be nauseous in order to drink them.  And when the sporadic times of no nausea do occur, you can bet your bippie that I'm going to put real food in my stomach, not just a smoothie or shake.  I've always been a whole-milk/meat-and-potatoes kind of gal anyway.  No amount of almond milk and whey proteins are gonna fill that void!!  Anyway, I came home yesterday, dried my own eyes after visiting with my Mom, my brother, my sister and my bff, and picked up the phone to try to make the dreaded GI appt.

I have faith that this bronchitis will not stick around for more than a week because I was proactive and kept it from turning into something worse.  I have faith that I will find a GI doc who has heard of RSD and actually practices the oath of "to do no harm."  I have faith that whatever the diagnosis ends up being, I will find a way to fight it and beat it.  I've fought bigger battles than this in my life and won.  I'll win this one too!!  All I really need, as far as a support system goes, I have.  My parents, my siblings, my bff, and my fellow CSDfM warriors give me all the emotional support that I need in order to continue fighting.  My dog, Kiva, doesn't allow my tears to reach my chin, so in order to avoid a face full of slobber, I have a pretty good hold on my tears ... aaaaaaand I really don't mind that face full of slobber when the tears do flow.  I have to stay positive!!  Any negative or hurtful thoughts will only make things worse, and I'm not willing to let worse win!!  Battle aren't easy, they aren't fun, and there are no quick fixes.  Until there is a cure for RSD, I know that my pain will never be a "0" on the pain scale.  Until there's a cure for RSD, I know that my immune system is severely compromised.  Until there's a cure for RSD, I will continue my role as General Jenn in the war for RSD Awareness ... aaaaand probably afterwards too ... that's just the kinda war horse I really am!!  Meanwhile ... I still have coffee!!

 

Putting Myself On Injured Reserve List

If you've been watching the news anywhere in the whole wide world for the last 8-9 days, then you have heard about my little hamlet, Longmont, Colorado, being tied together with the phrases "storm of Biblical proportions" ... "the 1000 year flood" ... "not since Hurricane Katrina..." ... and "FEMA."  And this little RSDer kept her cool long enough to: direct her mother and brother through flooded streets and torrential downpours so that they could get home; helped a few other stranded motorist/facebookers find their way around the nasty, roaring mess; agreed to be the one who kept all family and friends apprised of the situation "back home" via FB; delivered food to 1st Responders, Boulder County cops, and both branches of the National Guard that came running in when we needed bailing out; baked cookies and loaves of bread for the people who were allowed back in to Lyons, CO to begin rebuilding their homes and businesses; aaaaand then I crumbled.  The insane weather changes for over a week, the stress of knowing people who were caught out in the storm, and the abuse that I put my body through so that I could continue relaying info and messages have sent me screaming for my biannual Ketamine treatment a month early.  When I called my doc on Monday I had to have him paged.  Since he lives in this town too, he was affected as well and had taken time off.  When I asked him if he was aware that we had gotten a little bit of weather, he busted out laughing and said, "How about Friday at 3?"

It is now 1:30 on Friday and my stomach is in my throat!!  My anxieties always go up on treatment days due my utter disdain for massive doses of Ketamine.  It does wonderful things for my nerves and my pain, but it causes my stomach and my head to join together in an uprising ... literally.  I lose all control over my limbs and have to be carried everywhere ... including to the bathroom.  My ass is always numb from the epidurals and I always ... always manage to fall of the toilet and conk my head on either the wall of the sink.  I can only hope and pray that this treatment will be just like the one I had this last April.  I was walking on my own and able to take care of myself again after only 2 days.  Unfortunately, I never have the same response twice ... but I can still hope and pray!!

I have assembled my Dream Team of Caregivers and they take the field in a few hours as well.  If you pray, they'll need all the extra help that they can get!!  I am usually a Day Surgery resident for about 4 hours total, but that's just an average.  After 22 years you'd think we'd have it nailed down better than that, but treatments continue to change, as does my reaction to them, so each time is just like my first time ... minus the prep work.  I could almost start my own IV after all of the hours I've put in at that place.

I have faith that life will go on around me for next week or so.  As my city continues to dig out, clean up, and rebuild, I will take my backseat position and take care of myself now that the brunt of it is over.  I'll pick up my volunteer status again after I've given myself the time I need to get back on track.  I really want be out there doing something to help!!!  But the best way I can help right now is to take care of myself so that I can pitch in where I'm needed later.  WE ARE ... ColoradoStrong!!!  

...and then it was "fall."

For the last few days the temperature has not been above 70* here in my little corner of northern Colorado and it's not looking to change much until, maybe, the weekend.  Even though it's not officially fall for another 2-ish weeks, these cooler days (and nights) have already taken a toll on my body.  My my daytime and nighttime Ketamine nasal spray dosages have been upped from 2% and 4% to 3% and 5%.  But it's not officially fall yet!!  My pain levels are high enough that I've begun contemplating getting my biannual treatment a month early.  But it's not officially fall yet!!  My cane now accompanies me on all outings, even to my back yard garden and to take out the trash.  But it's not officially fall yet!!  The fleece sweats. fleece leggings, pure silk long sleeved t-shirts, and fuzzy warm cardigans have already made their seasonal debut and some of them are now awaiting their turn in the washing machine.  But it's not officially fall yet!!  The ultra soft fleece blankets are now out of their summer storage cupboard and are strategically placed along the back of the couch as well as draped over the back and both arms of my big, brown, comfy chair.  But it's not officially fall yet!!  My heated mattress pad thingy has been plugged in, turned on, and turned up.  But it's not officially fall yet!!  Kiva and I have already had our first fight over the electric throw blanket.  But it's not officially fall yet!!    I am not finished with summer!!  I still have summer stuff to do!!  I am not ready to feel the amplified physical pain that has soared through my nerves for the last 22 falls.  I ... am physically ... not ready ... for fall.

BUT ...there is the non-physical flip side to the fall coin ... My Aloha Vanilla candle that has resided on my candle warmer since late April has been replaced by my Autumn candle.  And it's not even fall yet!!  The smells of comfort food have already begun wafting through my house.  And it's not even fall yet!!  Professional, collegiate, and high school football teams have already taken the field (and all of my teams have more wins than losses so far).  And it's not even fall yet!!  All of my canning supplies are out of their storage compartment and patiently awaiting the remaining garden veggies to ripen.  And it's not even fall yet!!  I have begun collecting Halloween recipes and augmenting my Halloween decoration boxes.  And it's not even fall yet!!  But none of these things lessen the physical pain that fall's drastic atmospheric changes bring into my world.

My body needs warmth, my psyche needs natural Vitamin D.  My skin hates clothes, my depression feeds on gray skies and rain.  I want to still go places and do stuff, I am not ready to be confined to my bubble!!  I want for people who love this weather to respect the feelings of those of us who don't.  If Normies, when professing their love for fall, would just say something like, "I am really loving this weather, but my heart goes out to those whose lives it negatively affects," I wouldn't have to ban myself from public places so early in the season ... and I know for a fact that I am not the only RSDer or Chronic Pain sufferer who feels this way!!  I read posts and hear comments about humanity being more compassionate and understanding of illnesses and disabilities.  There are anti-bullying campaigns everywhere I look ... and yet I feel discriminated against and bullied every time someone comments about how great fall is and how it's their favorite season and how much they love the cooler temperatures.  Well here's the deal ... Summer is my favorite season because it allows me to be mobile and happy and warm without constricting clothing.  The days are longer and I am able to do more stuff more often.  The quiet and lonely nights, when my whole body throbs with every beat of my heart, are shorter.  Summer makes my life manageable.  However, I am able to empathize with those who do not like summer or the summer heat for whatever reason.  When I'm in public during the summer and I see someone who is having a hard time breathing or sweating profusely, I am conscious of any of my words that they may overhear.  For instance, you won't hear me comment on a restaurant patio about how good the sun feels when a woman at the next table is sweating buckets.  Why can't more people be conscious of their words like that too??  Yesterday, as I was waiting at a doctor's office, dressed in jeans, a sweatshirt, and a jacket and leaning on my cane because I was too afraid of the pain to sit down and get back up, another woman in the waiting room commented to her male counterpart about how blessed "we all" are for the cooler weather.  I um ... well ... you see ... I uh ... hmmmm ... I kinda snapped.  I apologized to her for snapping, but yeah, I still snapped.  And all I said were 5 little words ... "Please don't speak for me."  To me, she had just insulted me right to my face.  She might as well have said, "All Coloradans love this weather so much!!!  Screw those of you who are in agonizing pain because of it!!!  Yippeeeeeeeeee!!!!"  Ok, so maybe I'm just being oversensitive about the whole thing, but you would be too if you were fighting, tooth and nail, to keep the brutal pain spikes, spasms, and flares at bay for as long as possible ... wouldn't you??

I have faith that humanity will not change overnight ... sad but true fact.  I have faith that I will continue to lead by example when it comes to empathizing with the plights of others.  I have faith that, if I can just teach 1 Normie how to practice compassion, my annual fall-pain-fest will not be in vain.  Normies, call or text your favorite cripple when your local weather starts to change and just let them know you're thinking of them.  Stop by and visit them when you know that they aren't able to get out of the house.  Ask if there's anything you could help with while you're there ... wash dishes, fold a load of laundry, make a pot of coffee, run a vacuum, something to let them know that you understand how difficult life can be for those with painful diseases and disorders.  Or better yet, if you see something that needs to be done, just do it, don't ask.  Most of us won't know how to respond when you're in our presence and ask if you can help us, but showing us that you're compassionate and that you care is, sometimes, all the motivation we need to keep plugging along during our darker hours.

OH!!!  This is also a fabulous way to show your support for Pain Awareness Month (Sept.), and in case you didn't know, we are smack dab in the middle of Invisible Illness Week!!  Mark your calendars ... November is coming (RSD Awareness Month), as is January 24, 2014 ... The 4th Annual Crazy Sock Day for Melanie!! (yeah yeah yeah ... I still have stuff that I can look forward to doing even during the crappy months!!)    

In Search Of: Simultaneous Comfort

Comfort: (n) a state of physical ease and freedom from pain or constraint.
Comfort: (v) soothe in grief, or console

I, for one, am well versed in the verb, both giving and receiving, but severely lacking of the noun.  True story.  Being an RSDer has made me this way.  I can sympathize, empathize, console, cheer, encourage, listen, and hug with the best of them, even if it causes me physical discomfort.  I can feel the emotions and act or react accordingly ... and with some degree of logic.  I can turn most negatives into something positive, whether it's for myself or someone else.  I have been soothed by mammals and animals and fish, mountains and oceans and meadows, sunsets and sunrises, and scents.  I have been up, down, and around the emotional roller coasters of chronic pain for so long that I have begun to rely on my abilities to exude a comforting aura in distressing situations, regardless of my own physical comfort level.  I have been referred to as "human Valium" and "a voice of reason amid a storm of pain."  I am emotionally comfortable in my own skin as well as with the cards of life that I've been dealt, RSD and all.  But today's blog isn't just about the verb......

On a comfort scale of 1 to 10, 10 being completely free of pain or constraint, I have spent the past 22 years living between a "1" and a "3."  The last time I remember feeling the noun and the verb simultaneously was in 1990 and I was on a historical excursion in the Black Hills ... or maybe I was just on vacation and drunk at a blackjack table in Deadwood, SD ... either way, I remember there being no pain, no physical afflictions, no emotional traumas, and no stress-induced spasms.  (well, until I got back to Colorado and the hangover kicked in for a week!!)  There really are quite a few things that can help to make me feel the noun.  Things like my uber soft blanket, cuddling with my mutt, my fuzzy socks, a hot cup of coffee, authentic Mexican food, and warm sunshine, but even combined, they are only a droplet in the ocean ... a "3" at best.

And then there was this morning ... I caught a brief glimpse of Simultaneous Comfort.  I felt ease from my pain and constraints and I felt at peace. I'd even go so far as to call it a "5."  It was brief, very brief, less than 5 minutes, but it happened.  It gave me hope that maybe, just maybe, this is the beginning to more of these moments ... and logic tells me that the more of these moments I can string together, the happier I will be.  Hey, happy is good, right??  And it is all thanks to that crazy cunning canine of mine!!!  Until my daily prayer meeting with the porcelain god, Kiva made me feel a level of comfort that has been eluding me for all these years.  Instead of whining me out of bed, she jumped up onto my bed, Army crawled up to the mound of pillows, curled herself around the top of my head, and fell asleep.  Who knew that it would be something as simple as a Kiva Krown that would allow me to feel peace and comfort?!?  Who knew that that moment would catapult me into action to find more things to elevate my level of comfort, and in turn, my level of happiness!?!  Until today I thought the things that had brought me Simultaneous Comfort were extinct.  Just like with my RSD, I had accepted it and was ok-ish with it.  But now ... now I have hope that there is more out there!!  More things, people, animals, places, and moments that will spark an increased level of Simultaneous Comfort.  I have hope that this pure comfort level is not extinct.  Logic and realism tell me that I'll never rediscover a "10" ... Hope tells me to shoot for a "7" ... Faith is what will get me to a "6."

Truth be told, I'm kinda sad right now.  This morning I got a taste of something wonderful that was quickly replaced by the taste of bile.  In the hopes of redirecting that sadness I need a new goal on which to focus ... aaaaaaaand I choose Simultaneous Comfort to be my new goal!!!  Now that my back yard has begun to fill in and is taking on a pleasant little life of it's own, what better way to delve into the how-to-ness of achieving comfort, than from the comfort of my new sundeck, built by me, painted by me, upholstered by me, while soaking up some good ol' fashioned vitamin D??  In Search Of ... Simultaneous Comfort!!  Have faith, will travel!!