I Didn't, But You Do

I know that I promised you all Part 2 of my detox experience, but life has required that I pause before I begin the next round.  It happens.  I've gotten used to these life interruptions over the last 22 years of living with RSD.  Yes, I'm disappointed, but over time I have adapted to being disappointed and I know what it takes for me to re-center, re-group, and find another way to accomplish what it is that I need to do.  I learned the hard way ... alone.  And that brings me to this ... I read a blog post this morning that compared practicing an instrument and training for sports to practicing and training for a life with chronic pain.  I have not been this moved by another blog since I first read The Spoon Theory.  It just made sense to me.  It spoke to me in terms that my brain could understand.

When we learn something, anything, there is always a "teacher" involved.  Whether we are learning how to read, write, play an instrument, play a sport, cook, tie shoelaces, ride a bike, or drive, there is someone there that taught us how.  There is someone that showed us how.  There is someone who encouraged us.  There is someone who supported us as we failed so that we could learn (and appreciate) how to benefit from our mistakes.  The same holds true for learning how to cope and live with a chronic pain condition such as RSD.  We need someone (or a few someones) who know what we are facing to show us how to face it.  We need someone(s) to inspire us to face it and to give us hope that it'll all be worth it in the end.  It is so much easier (and less painful) to learn from someone who has "been there, done that" than it is to learn from someone who has no idea what it feels like (physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually) to suffer through the pains that we go through.

I cannot begin to tell you how much I wish I had had an RSD teacher or "coach" in my early years of diagnosis.  I wish I had had someone that knew the ungodly pain that I was feeling and who could help me to recognize the ever-morphing symptoms that I was experiencing.  I wish I had had someone empathetic, not just sympathetic, to hold my hand and dry my tears during the bad and really bad days.  I wish that I had had a teacher/coach who was willing to share their bag of tricks with me so that I wouldn't have had to "fail" and suffer setbacks as much as I did.  Yes, I had doctors and physical therapists and psychologists up the wazoo, but none of them suffered from RSD and therefore were unable to empathize with what I was feeling.  So even though I had the proper medical care and a wonderfully supportive family, I was left to fend for myself spiritually and emotionally.  I had been a tomboy and an athlete, I had practiced how to be tough, but I had absolutely no idea what it meant to fight.  My confidence and self-esteem tanked because everything my jockbrain told me to do, my body did enthusiastically ... for a few minutes ... and then it balked and I ended up paying the ultimate price ... for days on end.  I began to dwell on the bad stuff ... the pain, the loss of life as I knew it, not being able to participate in anything!!  I didn't know about balance or "spoons" ... I only knew that I had to either get back up after falling off of the proverbial horse or stay off of the friggin horse altogether!!  I had no idea how detrimental that line of thinking would be to my future.  I didn't know, or even think, about preparation time or recovery time.  I found myself quitting (and resenting) the things that had I loved doing most before that one fateful day in June of 1991.  I didn't know that there were other ways of riding that horse.  I was only ingrained with the things that I had practiced before my RSD.

So here I sit 22 years later with a full bag of tricks, overflowing with experience and hope, and a level head on my shoulders.  I've learned how to pick my battles, spend spoons wisely, and find other ways of doing things that I loved to do before I got my thumb slammed in that damned refrigerator door.  I have learned to accept my RSD diagnosis and I have learned how to live within my meager means.  And get this ... I am willing to share with those who are open to the help!!  I never want any RSDer to have to forge their own trail the way that I did.  I never want any RSDer to feel like they're alone the way that I did.  That is why I blog.  That is why I advocate.  That is why my mission for RSD awareness is paramount in my life.  RSD is not biased as to whom it affects.  It can happen to anyone at any time. But here's the thing ... you are never ever alone!!  I am here, all you need to do is say "hi".  I know how difficult it is to ask for help, therefore I am able to recognize the pain when help is being sought without words.  <sigh> Yeah, I have faith that I will continue to help those RSDers who seek to better their lives and have the will to fight the numerous battles ahead.  And the best way I know how to do that is by example.  I won't just tell you what you need to know, I can show you as well.

(Here's the link to the blog that inspired me today.  If you get a chance, check it out!!  http://www.instituteforchronicpain.org/blog/coping-with-pain-how-people-who-cope-really-well-do-it/ )