...and then it was "fall."

For the last few days the temperature has not been above 70* here in my little corner of northern Colorado and it's not looking to change much until, maybe, the weekend.  Even though it's not officially fall for another 2-ish weeks, these cooler days (and nights) have already taken a toll on my body.  My my daytime and nighttime Ketamine nasal spray dosages have been upped from 2% and 4% to 3% and 5%.  But it's not officially fall yet!!  My pain levels are high enough that I've begun contemplating getting my biannual treatment a month early.  But it's not officially fall yet!!  My cane now accompanies me on all outings, even to my back yard garden and to take out the trash.  But it's not officially fall yet!!  The fleece sweats. fleece leggings, pure silk long sleeved t-shirts, and fuzzy warm cardigans have already made their seasonal debut and some of them are now awaiting their turn in the washing machine.  But it's not officially fall yet!!  The ultra soft fleece blankets are now out of their summer storage cupboard and are strategically placed along the back of the couch as well as draped over the back and both arms of my big, brown, comfy chair.  But it's not officially fall yet!!  My heated mattress pad thingy has been plugged in, turned on, and turned up.  But it's not officially fall yet!!  Kiva and I have already had our first fight over the electric throw blanket.  But it's not officially fall yet!!    I am not finished with summer!!  I still have summer stuff to do!!  I am not ready to feel the amplified physical pain that has soared through my nerves for the last 22 falls.  I ... am physically ... not ready ... for fall.

BUT ...there is the non-physical flip side to the fall coin ... My Aloha Vanilla candle that has resided on my candle warmer since late April has been replaced by my Autumn candle.  And it's not even fall yet!!  The smells of comfort food have already begun wafting through my house.  And it's not even fall yet!!  Professional, collegiate, and high school football teams have already taken the field (and all of my teams have more wins than losses so far).  And it's not even fall yet!!  All of my canning supplies are out of their storage compartment and patiently awaiting the remaining garden veggies to ripen.  And it's not even fall yet!!  I have begun collecting Halloween recipes and augmenting my Halloween decoration boxes.  And it's not even fall yet!!  But none of these things lessen the physical pain that fall's drastic atmospheric changes bring into my world.

My body needs warmth, my psyche needs natural Vitamin D.  My skin hates clothes, my depression feeds on gray skies and rain.  I want to still go places and do stuff, I am not ready to be confined to my bubble!!  I want for people who love this weather to respect the feelings of those of us who don't.  If Normies, when professing their love for fall, would just say something like, "I am really loving this weather, but my heart goes out to those whose lives it negatively affects," I wouldn't have to ban myself from public places so early in the season ... and I know for a fact that I am not the only RSDer or Chronic Pain sufferer who feels this way!!  I read posts and hear comments about humanity being more compassionate and understanding of illnesses and disabilities.  There are anti-bullying campaigns everywhere I look ... and yet I feel discriminated against and bullied every time someone comments about how great fall is and how it's their favorite season and how much they love the cooler temperatures.  Well here's the deal ... Summer is my favorite season because it allows me to be mobile and happy and warm without constricting clothing.  The days are longer and I am able to do more stuff more often.  The quiet and lonely nights, when my whole body throbs with every beat of my heart, are shorter.  Summer makes my life manageable.  However, I am able to empathize with those who do not like summer or the summer heat for whatever reason.  When I'm in public during the summer and I see someone who is having a hard time breathing or sweating profusely, I am conscious of any of my words that they may overhear.  For instance, you won't hear me comment on a restaurant patio about how good the sun feels when a woman at the next table is sweating buckets.  Why can't more people be conscious of their words like that too??  Yesterday, as I was waiting at a doctor's office, dressed in jeans, a sweatshirt, and a jacket and leaning on my cane because I was too afraid of the pain to sit down and get back up, another woman in the waiting room commented to her male counterpart about how blessed "we all" are for the cooler weather.  I um ... well ... you see ... I uh ... hmmmm ... I kinda snapped.  I apologized to her for snapping, but yeah, I still snapped.  And all I said were 5 little words ... "Please don't speak for me."  To me, she had just insulted me right to my face.  She might as well have said, "All Coloradans love this weather so much!!!  Screw those of you who are in agonizing pain because of it!!!  Yippeeeeeeeeee!!!!"  Ok, so maybe I'm just being oversensitive about the whole thing, but you would be too if you were fighting, tooth and nail, to keep the brutal pain spikes, spasms, and flares at bay for as long as possible ... wouldn't you??

I have faith that humanity will not change overnight ... sad but true fact.  I have faith that I will continue to lead by example when it comes to empathizing with the plights of others.  I have faith that, if I can just teach 1 Normie how to practice compassion, my annual fall-pain-fest will not be in vain.  Normies, call or text your favorite cripple when your local weather starts to change and just let them know you're thinking of them.  Stop by and visit them when you know that they aren't able to get out of the house.  Ask if there's anything you could help with while you're there ... wash dishes, fold a load of laundry, make a pot of coffee, run a vacuum, something to let them know that you understand how difficult life can be for those with painful diseases and disorders.  Or better yet, if you see something that needs to be done, just do it, don't ask.  Most of us won't know how to respond when you're in our presence and ask if you can help us, but showing us that you're compassionate and that you care is, sometimes, all the motivation we need to keep plugging along during our darker hours.

OH!!!  This is also a fabulous way to show your support for Pain Awareness Month (Sept.), and in case you didn't know, we are smack dab in the middle of Invisible Illness Week!!  Mark your calendars ... November is coming (RSD Awareness Month), as is January 24, 2014 ... The 4th Annual Crazy Sock Day for Melanie!! (yeah yeah yeah ... I still have stuff that I can look forward to doing even during the crappy months!!)