Raising Awareness for RSD (and Ziggi's)

Raising Awareness for RSD (and Ziggi's)
The Power of Orange

Thursday, November 29, 2012

Duck, Duck, Duck, Goose

If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, it's probably a goose.  At least that is what living with RSD is like.  Nothing is really ever what it appears to be when it comes to our bodies and immune systems.  It looks like a cold?  Nope, it's Bronchitis.  It looks like heartburn?  Nope, it's just GERD.  Feels like poor circulation?  Nah, it's Reynaud's.  Just feeling a little flu-ish (constipation and vomiting)?  Huh uh, how about GastroParesis.  Now these aren't all symptoms from which I, personally, suffer (although 2 are often mine, I know other RSDers that are afflicted by the other 2), these are just a few types of dysfunctions that can happen as a result of having RSD.  And here I sit, with my right leg propped up on a pillow, 6 weeks after the initial injury, a recent diagnosis of 'sprained knee,' thinking to myself, "What's the 'goose' this time?"  And then that thought turns into, "And just what am I going to have to endure, this time, in order to find out?"

As promised, after a week (more like 2) post-diagnosis, I called my GP back to tell him that my knee was no better, but also that it hadn't gotten any worse.  The RSD flares in my lower leg and foot, however, are beginning to grow in intensity.  He instantly referred me to a orthopedic specialist.  I haven't been to an ortho since college!!  (Keep in mind that I got an early RSD diagnosis, so I didn't have to go through the entire gamut of specialists 21 years ago.)  Although my town is actually a city, because my family has been rooted here for so long, there are still close small town-like relationships.  Case in point:  The ortho I will be seeing on Monday did all 3 of Houdini's knee surgeries, and both of the Bombshell's shoulder surgeries.  Both of my siblings babysat his kids, and my Mom taught a couple of his kids in Kindergarten.  But ... Does he know about RSD?  Does he know that he can't tug on or try to manipulate my knee?  Does he know that he'll have to be careful about the way he even touches my leg because of my hypersensitivity?  Will he care?  Will the nurses care?  Will he send me in for x-rays and an MRI?  Aaaaaand that's as far as I'll let my brain wander!! If I go any further, the anxiety that I already feel will only turn to panic.  Breathe Jennifer Lynn, breathe!!!

Now, this is where Biofeedback comes into play for me.  With all of the added pain in my leg, and the new doctor to train, and the thought of missing out on Hollerday action with the fam or the Fun Folk, my anxiety level is pretty freakin high!!  My stomach is in knots over the mere possibilities of what could be ahead of me, I have mini hyperventilating sessions, I can't sleep, I can't eat, and then all of my potential good days go to pot because I have needlessly wasted spoons on worrying.  Worrying breeds stress and stress breeds flares and pain spikes.  This is when I have to focus my breathing.  Most people, when in an amplified state of pain, hold their breath when the pain is at it's peak.  Whether consciously or subconsciously, it's like a natural defense or a wall.  I used to do it all of the time.  I had massage therapists, physical therapists, and chiropractors that had to yell at me to breathe ... until I learned Biofeedback.  Nowadays people sometimes think that I'm sleeping when, in reality, I'm pinpointing my breaths, making the hot air balloon in my mind rise over hills and houses and descend below the cloud lines as it floats thru my mind's sky until I can keep it floating levelly.  When the balloon levels out, my pain spike is over, my eyes open, and I didn't need drugs to get thru it!!!  (Admittedly, yes, I've purposefully crashed the balloon into trees and barns just to see what would happen.  Cuz that's just how my mind works.  Crashing, albeit imaginative, doesn't help the pain ... just so you know.)  I must be honest though, I sometimes (not often) forget about this trick in my bag.  Last night had me twisted in my britches with worry and anxiety.  I maybe got 2 hours of sleep total.  As soon as I got that 1st cup of liquid heaven down this morning, it hit me like a ton of bricks. Breathe, you dummy!!!  

As of this morning, my toes on my right foot are curling under and are unable to tolerate socks, the vice-grip flare in my calf is now up to an 8, and my knee remains at a 6.  However, I have faith that I will continue to breathe!!  I have faith that the tricks that RSD has taught me over the last 21 years will get me thru this new little speed bump.  I have faith that I will take printouts of what RSD is about to the ortho on Monday to help expedite his education and awareness.  I have faith that I will not let the pain hinder all of my December plans, but rather I will breathe thru all of my commitments and continue to plan my attendance of events wisely ... Beginning with a bunch of Denver Bronco nuts gathering for a pre-game dinner/get-together on the 1st.  It can be a great life, RSDers, as long as you remember to breeeeeeeathe!!!!!

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