At one point, I wrote that there are 5 stages of grief. Well, guess what?! I was wrong!! There are, in fact, 7 stages of grief. 1. Shock/Denial. 2. Pain/Guilt. 3. Anger/Bargaining. 4. Depression/Reflection/Loneliness. 5. Upward Turn. 6. Reconstruction. 7. Acceptance/Hope. Grief comes in many forms. It can come from the loss of a loved one, the loss of a relationship, receiving bad news, setbacks, poor health, feeling left out, and Empty Nest Syndrome. All of these things have happened to people that I care about since the beginning of the new year. It about kills me to see people that I love so grief-stricken. I know that they're all strong (I don't befriend, nor am I related to, wussies) and I know that they will all get through whatever it is that they're going through, but my heart aches for the them as they go through the first 4 stages of grief. And they are all still in the first 4 stages. For someone as tall and slight as myself, you wouldn't know that my heart is big enough to contain all of the love that I have for so many people, unless you know me, that is.
The good news, despite all of this sadness and hopelessness, is that they all have something in common, even if they don't all know each other. Me. These people know that I'm crazy enough to put my pain-riddled-self out on a limb just to get a smile out of them during their grief. I am that friend that will sympathize, empathize, encourage, and then break out some nonsense in order to create a genuine smile from within. I become their distraction from their grief, which in turn, makes them my distraction from the pain and whatever other crap I'm going through at the time. Just don't be surprised if, while you're crying or venting to me, I suddenly break out in song. For instance: Oh, you caught your boyfriend cheating on you?? I dug my key into the side of his pretty little sooped up 4 wheel drive. Or ... You're experiencing another flare?? You put de lime in de coconut and drink dem both up. Or ... Your house feels like a ghost town after all of your holiday company leaves?? Turn up ... the radio!! But I know, from oodles of personal experience, that once a person has gone through stages 1-3, the sooner they can begin to smile and laugh, the sooner the real healing begins. I will only allow myself to be sad for 1 day. In that 1 day, I completely isolate myself from the world so that I can process stages 1, 2, and 3 (shock/denial, pain, and anger). By the time I get to day 2/stage 4 (depression), I start to allow a few select people back into my bubble (the people who are able to move forward with me instead of dwelling on the ish). These are the people that give me the strength to get through 5, 6, and 7 (upward turn, reconstruction, and acceptance). After I have accepted whatever situation I am in, I open myself back up to the world, so to speak.
Life is full of grief and happiness and tears and confusion and struggles and wins and ... well ... it's Life!! And unless you are a firm believer in reincarnation or are a cat or are Dr. Who, this is the only life that we get. Sure, we're gonna get our proverbial weenies shoved in the dirt from time to time, and there will always be times when we throw our hands in the air and scream, "Sheesh!! Now What??" But after the 1st stage of shock wears off, the healing can begin. It's ok to feel sad and miss people and things. It's natural. It's life!! The important thing is to keep on keeping on. RSD has taught me that!! Every minute that we're alive is a win!! Every morning that our eyes pop open is a win!! Every tear stained smile is a win!! Having spoons, even if it's just 1, is a win!! Having friends with whom you can make plans is a win!! Having a family that supports you is a win!! Battles will be lost. It's true, this is life that we're talking about here. But if you break it down to the tiniest detail, the wins do outweigh the losses.
I have faith that the people whom I love will heal from their grief. I have faith that they will all experience it again, and I have faith that I will be there for them then too. If a face can launch a thousand ships, and a picture is worth a thousand words, then a smile, from within, should be able to erase 1000 losses, dontcha think?? My thoughts, prayers, well wishes, and positive vibes go out to all of you today (you know who you are). And if you need to smile to erase a few losses, <cue another song> Call Me!!!
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