In Search Of: Simultaneous Comfort

Comfort: (n) a state of physical ease and freedom from pain or constraint.
Comfort: (v) soothe in grief, or console

I, for one, am well versed in the verb, both giving and receiving, but severely lacking of the noun.  True story.  Being an RSDer has made me this way.  I can sympathize, empathize, console, cheer, encourage, listen, and hug with the best of them, even if it causes me physical discomfort.  I can feel the emotions and act or react accordingly ... and with some degree of logic.  I can turn most negatives into something positive, whether it's for myself or someone else.  I have been soothed by mammals and animals and fish, mountains and oceans and meadows, sunsets and sunrises, and scents.  I have been up, down, and around the emotional roller coasters of chronic pain for so long that I have begun to rely on my abilities to exude a comforting aura in distressing situations, regardless of my own physical comfort level.  I have been referred to as "human Valium" and "a voice of reason amid a storm of pain."  I am emotionally comfortable in my own skin as well as with the cards of life that I've been dealt, RSD and all.  But today's blog isn't just about the verb......

On a comfort scale of 1 to 10, 10 being completely free of pain or constraint, I have spent the past 22 years living between a "1" and a "3."  The last time I remember feeling the noun and the verb simultaneously was in 1990 and I was on a historical excursion in the Black Hills ... or maybe I was just on vacation and drunk at a blackjack table in Deadwood, SD ... either way, I remember there being no pain, no physical afflictions, no emotional traumas, and no stress-induced spasms.  (well, until I got back to Colorado and the hangover kicked in for a week!!)  There really are quite a few things that can help to make me feel the noun.  Things like my uber soft blanket, cuddling with my mutt, my fuzzy socks, a hot cup of coffee, authentic Mexican food, and warm sunshine, but even combined, they are only a droplet in the ocean ... a "3" at best.

And then there was this morning ... I caught a brief glimpse of Simultaneous Comfort.  I felt ease from my pain and constraints and I felt at peace. I'd even go so far as to call it a "5."  It was brief, very brief, less than 5 minutes, but it happened.  It gave me hope that maybe, just maybe, this is the beginning to more of these moments ... and logic tells me that the more of these moments I can string together, the happier I will be.  Hey, happy is good, right??  And it is all thanks to that crazy cunning canine of mine!!!  Until my daily prayer meeting with the porcelain god, Kiva made me feel a level of comfort that has been eluding me for all these years.  Instead of whining me out of bed, she jumped up onto my bed, Army crawled up to the mound of pillows, curled herself around the top of my head, and fell asleep.  Who knew that it would be something as simple as a Kiva Krown that would allow me to feel peace and comfort?!?  Who knew that that moment would catapult me into action to find more things to elevate my level of comfort, and in turn, my level of happiness!?!  Until today I thought the things that had brought me Simultaneous Comfort were extinct.  Just like with my RSD, I had accepted it and was ok-ish with it.  But now ... now I have hope that there is more out there!!  More things, people, animals, places, and moments that will spark an increased level of Simultaneous Comfort.  I have hope that this pure comfort level is not extinct.  Logic and realism tell me that I'll never rediscover a "10" ... Hope tells me to shoot for a "7" ... Faith is what will get me to a "6."

Truth be told, I'm kinda sad right now.  This morning I got a taste of something wonderful that was quickly replaced by the taste of bile.  In the hopes of redirecting that sadness I need a new goal on which to focus ... aaaaaaaand I choose Simultaneous Comfort to be my new goal!!!  Now that my back yard has begun to fill in and is taking on a pleasant little life of it's own, what better way to delve into the how-to-ness of achieving comfort, than from the comfort of my new sundeck, built by me, painted by me, upholstered by me, while soaking up some good ol' fashioned vitamin D??  In Search Of ... Simultaneous Comfort!!  Have faith, will travel!!